Google Hypocrisy

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Discussing Your Fantasies

How hard or easy is it for any of us to discuss our fantasies?

On the internet, I think it's easy to tell strangers what turns us on, what we like to think about when getting in the mood, or even ask personal questions of others when the topic comes up. But are all of us comfortable discussing our fantasies with our significant other?

I have to admit, I am easily intimidated when it comes to "talking dirty" in person or on the phone. I'd rather just show up and do the deed, no questions or discussions. LOL I don't know why. Maybe I have a fear of being told my fantasies sound stupid. As a matter of fact, I almost didn't post them on Autumn's myspace blog a little while ago because I wasn't sure what she would say--and she's not even a potential partner!

So how do I, and others who want to enjoy themselves but don't know how to put it into words, get the message across? Tequila. Cuervo Gold. Lots of it. Double shots alternated with margaritas.

What? Did you think I'd have a better solution?

LOL Okay, Gracie has a better solution. In the Blushing Ladies Journal, she weighed in on the debate of letting your fantasies go unspoken or telling your partner what you want. More accurately, she identifies my biggest fear: That my partner will either look at me different because of my fantasy or that one of us will feel pressure from high expectations. If only she knew! My fantasies go into my stories (except for, you know, that Angelina Jolie thing). I won't even let potential boyfriends read my work because I'm afraid of giving them an inferiority complex. My Heros are tall and strong, with bodies that boggle the mind and stamina that could possibly cause a permanant bowlegged stride if he were real.

But they're not real. And I tell myself (and my potential partner) that I don't expect them to live up to this unrealistic fantasy I have built up in my mind. After all, I'm a writer. My job is to put fantasies on paper, not force the man in my life to live up to something he can't achieve.

Maybe that's what we really need to do when sharing our fantasies with partners. We need to tell them what we want, what we'd like, and our realistic expectations where they are concerned. We can't expect our men to be the chiseled Gods of Physical Love and our women to be the Ultimate Private Pornstar Experience and still maintain a healthy dynamic in the relationship. Though, if you can find either of those two, I'd love to know! (And I'm a sucker for a story that comes with pics. LOL)

Further Reading:

Masturbation

Discussing Your Fantasies @ The Blushing Ladies Journal

Sugasm # 71

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Top Things I Hate About Porn and Other Reasons I Need To Make My Own Movies

So-called straight porn has some of the UGLIEST men I've ever seen. No, not all of it, but a LOT of it. Especially the stuff you can get for free. Why is that? Are the target consumers offended by seeing someone more attractive (and more well-endowed) than them? Kinda kills the ability to get off, don't it?

Nooooooo imagination. I know there's only so much you can do when sticking one body part into another, buy why do most porn vids consist of oral-oral-vaginal-anal-cum on the face? I think we as consumers should demand some more variety. Either that, or stop paying for crap. If you're gonna do the same old thing, at LEAST make it worth watching.

Now, I'm all for group fun, but what is with the crazy ass uneven numbers? Does anyone else think it's funny to see so many women outnumbering men and looking bored as HELL waiting on their turn? The worst one I saw had 6 women and 1 guy. Two of the girls were so bored they were sitting around having a conversation in the background. Even the other way around, it gets to the point of being ridiculous. I saw one a few months ago with four men and one women--one guy was standing in the background looking like he didn't know where to stick it and the poor girl looked like she was about to pass out. Not enough money in the budget to hire another female? Sad.

While I'm thinking about it, who REALLY thinks fake ass blondes (who don't bother shaving the dark pubes) and big ass plastic boobs are sexy? I'm just wondering why even the attractive brunettes have oogly blonde streaks or bad dye jobs. Is this something men want to see? (Okay, I admit, I have my own issues with everyone thinking blonde is "sexy" but this is still an important issue.)

I would say I hate the bad acting too, but I kinda like it. Except when the moaning starts before anything even happens. Or the script consists of "Stick it in my ass" "Oh yes, you're in my ass soooo deep" about 30 times on repeat.

Oh yes! And those 15 minute (out of a 20 minute video) blow jobs have to go. Don't we all pay to see the good stuff? And why is gagging on somebody's dick supposed to be sexy? And who the HELL thought up the idea of spitting on somebody's dick/cooch and then licking it off? NASTY shit, and NOT in a good way.

High-pitched squealing. Annoying and more unrealistic than most things in porn. I wonder if men (or even inexperienced teenagers) watch this kind of thing and expect women in their lives to do the same thing. Does this create unrealistic expectations of a partner's "job" during sex? Hmm. May be another entry in the making.

18 year old girls throwing themselves at 40 something men. Okay. I know there are people who have younger women/older men fantasies, but come ON. It's one thing to have an element of fantasy, it's another thing to make it so unrealistic, I start laughing before the video gets started. No offense, but I don't want to see Grampa getting it on with the college freshman. (Now older women? Hotness. LOL)

Any female calling a male "Daddy" before stripping off and doing things girls shouldn't do with their daddies. There all kinds of reasons this is wrong. I'm not even getting into it. Let's just say watching these kinds of videos kills any kind of feelings I might have had watching it. It's just not right.

DVDs mislabeled as having "huge" "hung" men. Advertisers need to STOP LYING! Or maybe they need to come up with a standard definition of huge. And If the guys are average, can I ask for a refund?

Fake moaning voiceovers. You know what's funny about this? Hearing the person (couple/group) saying the same thing over and over in a loop so you know it's fake. It's one thing to do a bad edit job, it's another to make it obvious.

CHEESETASTIC background music (which stops and then starts over again after a minute of silence). I'm all for having top ten songs being made into movie soundtracks. Besides, wouldn't that mean better sales for everyone involved? LOL I know it would make me more likely to buy a DVD. Or less likely to put it on mute.

Ass-to-mouth. Nastiness. See Clerks 2.

Does all this sound like I hate porn? On the contrary, I love it. I'm just bored with seeing all the same old (bad) things over and over. Not only would originality be welcome, it would be worth paying the $29.95 the crap movies go for.

Who wants to sponsor my new movie company? I promise to make hot people do some unseen activities--actual smut that's enjoyable to watch.

Independant Writers Are Taking Over

I'm reposting this lovely offer--no, this life-changing venture for those of us having trouble getting published, choosing to go it alone, or faced with independant promotional issues. Really, this project is for any writer at any level who is interested in self-promotion and helping to promote his or her fellow self-published writer.

This post is from WritersReaders.com where the brilliant Jerry D. Simmons has come up with a plan to get the word out about independant writers and their wares. Writers of all description are welcome to join the community, as I encourage all of you putting pen to paper (and fingers to keyboard/typewriter) to do.

There is a new movement gaining momentum within the Independent Writing community, a new marketing program is about to be introduced that is designed to expand the marketplace for Independently Published books.

The goal of this exciting new program is to:

• Increase sales for Independently Published books
• Offer the Independent Writer a platform to market themselves as writers and authors, and
• Develop a community of Independent Writers from around the world.

The focus is simple--bring together Independent Writers and Authors into a community that becomes a destination for readers of Independently Published books. Offering VOICES NEVER HEARD AND STORIES NEVER TOLD to readers everywhere.

Become part of the community that changes the face of publishing forever. For more information click the following links: PART 1; PART 2;PART 3; PART 4; and PART 5. If you want to become a part of this new community, click on Contact Jerry at the bottom of the page and send an email. Thank you.

Forgive My Slackness

I meant to post a lot more this week. No, really. Normally, I would've spent half the week jabbering on about nipples and spankings and other such things, but it's been...let's just call it a long week. When I can think of something dirty enough to make this blog (consisting of more than I am sooo bored with porn now) I will update. Promise!

Sugasm #70

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Release

There is no better feeling for the mind or body than the act of release. Whether it's taking a long, hot bath to let go of tension at the end of the day or the glorious feeling at the end of a satisfying sexual experience, letting our bodies go limp and our minds fly free can be a part of a beautiful and powerful journey.

I'd wondered for years if Tantric Sex was really all it was cracked up to be. I mean, how can meditation and the like improve your sexual experiences? Does intense mental focus really make things that much better? LOL Apparently so. I tried it and all I can say is, you'll never refer to "popping the cork" lightly again once you learn how to do it with your mind first.

It's as if your mind leaves your body and you're floating above yourself, connected to an individual and to all of creation at once. Energy and lifeblood flows through you in waves and your body feels at once all powerful and powerless in this vast universe.

I have yet to find out if it's possible to experience that deep, spiritual type of release with someone I'm deeply in love with. Unfortunate, I know. I'd love to find out if it's really stronger when magnified by other feelings or if our brains can be tricked into reaching this kind of peak whether we're with a perfect stranger or with a love of 20 years. One day, I hope to find out.

BTW, the lovely photo that I've dubbed "protein shoe polish" was provided by one of my handsome husbands. Thanks sweetie!

Play Nice With Those Who Talk Dirty

It's very easy for people to throw around words like "slut" "whore" or "pervert" when they come across someone whose job they feel is beneath them. Obviously, writing about sex on a regular basis means they've been around the block. Blogging about sex or sex related topics means they invite this kind of abuse. Laughing it off or ignoring it means they "like" being called these things, right? Hardly. Just because pornography makes it seem sexually gratifying to call a person out of their name during the act doesn't mean everyone connected to the industry responds with the same fake (mental) orgasms by being told their worth isn't the same as the next person.

Over the past couple of years, I've been called a slut, a pervert, a sex fiend, told I'm "probably" a nymphomaniac or a tramp, invited to watch lewd acts online and in person, told I'm too lazy to get a "real" job and I'm stupid to deny any of these things because all I do is peddle smut.

(I did not tell these people - or remind those that already knew - that I have a college education, have held down several "real" jobs, of which being a paid writer is one, and that I write stories involving romance, comedy, drama, and spirituality as well as non-fiction pieces that have been in national publications. This peddler is no one-trick pony.)

I can almost laugh about some of this now. After all, the average IQ of the people who told me these things should be close to my shoe size. But intelligence isn't in question, sensitivity is. In the real world, I assume most people would not go up to someone whose job they disliked and personally degrade them for a lack of morals, intelligence or boundaries. Likewise, I think it's safe to assume you wouldn't tell someone you enjoyed their cooking in a restaurant or their article in the local paper by offering to display your wares on their computer screen or inviting them to your house for a private show. So, why is this commonplace among erotica writers and even moreso among others in the adult industry?

Why is it okay to assume that people who write about different aspects of human sexuality are acceptable targets for abuse and harassment?

My wish is this: I want people who watch pornography, look at adult-oriented photos and sites, or read erotica to think about what they are saying if they choose to correspond with the person providing that content.

Using sexuality as a way of expressing yourself does not make you any less of a person, does not make your occupation any less worthy of respect and does not mean you are inviting the kind of negative attention that seems to come with the job. In spite of the abuse thrown at them and the unnecessary stigmas attached to thier occupations, I have found the people I have met in the industry to be intelligent, funny, well-rounded human beings. Their only wish is to be treated as such.

The way people are treated is one of my pet peeves. Whatever consenting adults want to do in the privacy of their homes is their business. Personally, if they'd like to do it after reading one of my stories, I'm not going to complain. I just don't believe that those who seek out that type of material (or come across it by accident) should feel the right to treat their neighborhood provider like a pariah or a receptacle for the nastiest thoughts they can produce.

While I appreciate that you enjoyed my story, I would like you to remember a few things:

1. I'm a writer like any other. That means you don't get to go to Grisham for legal advice, you don't get to ask Mr. King the best way to dispose of a body and you don't get to ask me (not that I'm comparable with those two) if you can put/squirt/squeeze your anything anywhere near/in/on top of anything of mine.

2. Reading my stories does not give us a personal relationship. I like hearing from fans, but only those that are mature enough to treat me like a person.

3. If you simply must express your deepest (by that I mean dirtiest/most offensive) thoughts, there are plenty of sites (some of them with webcams!) that welcome them.

4. Most of the people involved in different aspects of the adult industry are no different from the average person on the street, except, of course, their jobs are a lot more fun.

Platonic handshake anyone?