Top Things I Hate About Porn and Other Reasons I Need To Make My Own Movies

So-called straight porn has some of the UGLIEST men I've ever seen. No, not all of it, but a LOT of it. Especially the stuff you can get for free. Why is that? Are the target consumers offended by seeing someone more attractive (and more well-endowed) than them? Kinda kills the ability to get off, don't it?

Nooooooo imagination. I know there's only so much you can do when sticking one body part into another, buy why do most porn vids consist of oral-oral-vaginal-anal-cum on the face? I think we as consumers should demand some more variety. Either that, or stop paying for crap. If you're gonna do the same old thing, at LEAST make it worth watching.

Now, I'm all for group fun, but what is with the crazy ass uneven numbers? Does anyone else think it's funny to see so many women outnumbering men and looking bored as HELL waiting on their turn? The worst one I saw had 6 women and 1 guy. Two of the girls were so bored they were sitting around having a conversation in the background. Even the other way around, it gets to the point of being ridiculous. I saw one a few months ago with four men and one women--one guy was standing in the background looking like he didn't know where to stick it and the poor girl looked like she was about to pass out. Not enough money in the budget to hire another female? Sad.

While I'm thinking about it, who REALLY thinks fake ass blondes (who don't bother shaving the dark pubes) and big ass plastic boobs are sexy? I'm just wondering why even the attractive brunettes have oogly blonde streaks or bad dye jobs. Is this something men want to see? (Okay, I admit, I have my own issues with everyone thinking blonde is "sexy" but this is still an important issue.)

I would say I hate the bad acting too, but I kinda like it. Except when the moaning starts before anything even happens. Or the script consists of "Stick it in my ass" "Oh yes, you're in my ass soooo deep" about 30 times on repeat.

Oh yes! And those 15 minute (out of a 20 minute video) blow jobs have to go. Don't we all pay to see the good stuff? And why is gagging on somebody's dick supposed to be sexy? And who the HELL thought up the idea of spitting on somebody's dick/cooch and then licking it off? NASTY shit, and NOT in a good way.

High-pitched squealing. Annoying and more unrealistic than most things in porn. I wonder if men (or even inexperienced teenagers) watch this kind of thing and expect women in their lives to do the same thing. Does this create unrealistic expectations of a partner's "job" during sex? Hmm. May be another entry in the making.

18 year old girls throwing themselves at 40 something men. Okay. I know there are people who have younger women/older men fantasies, but come ON. It's one thing to have an element of fantasy, it's another thing to make it so unrealistic, I start laughing before the video gets started. No offense, but I don't want to see Grampa getting it on with the college freshman. (Now older women? Hotness. LOL)

Any female calling a male "Daddy" before stripping off and doing things girls shouldn't do with their daddies. There all kinds of reasons this is wrong. I'm not even getting into it. Let's just say watching these kinds of videos kills any kind of feelings I might have had watching it. It's just not right.

DVDs mislabeled as having "huge" "hung" men. Advertisers need to STOP LYING! Or maybe they need to come up with a standard definition of huge. And If the guys are average, can I ask for a refund?

Fake moaning voiceovers. You know what's funny about this? Hearing the person (couple/group) saying the same thing over and over in a loop so you know it's fake. It's one thing to do a bad edit job, it's another to make it obvious.

CHEESETASTIC background music (which stops and then starts over again after a minute of silence). I'm all for having top ten songs being made into movie soundtracks. Besides, wouldn't that mean better sales for everyone involved? LOL I know it would make me more likely to buy a DVD. Or less likely to put it on mute.

Ass-to-mouth. Nastiness. See Clerks 2.

Does all this sound like I hate porn? On the contrary, I love it. I'm just bored with seeing all the same old (bad) things over and over. Not only would originality be welcome, it would be worth paying the $29.95 the crap movies go for.

Who wants to sponsor my new movie company? I promise to make hot people do some unseen activities--actual smut that's enjoyable to watch.