Friday, March 23, 2007

Discussing Your Fantasies

How hard or easy is it for any of us to discuss our fantasies?

On the internet, I think it's easy to tell strangers what turns us on, what we like to think about when getting in the mood, or even ask personal questions of others when the topic comes up. But are all of us comfortable discussing our fantasies with our significant other?

I have to admit, I am easily intimidated when it comes to "talking dirty" in person or on the phone. I'd rather just show up and do the deed, no questions or discussions. LOL I don't know why. Maybe I have a fear of being told my fantasies sound stupid. As a matter of fact, I almost didn't post them on Autumn's myspace blog a little while ago because I wasn't sure what she would say--and she's not even a potential partner!

So how do I, and others who want to enjoy themselves but don't know how to put it into words, get the message across? Tequila. Cuervo Gold. Lots of it. Double shots alternated with margaritas.

What? Did you think I'd have a better solution?

LOL Okay, Gracie has a better solution. In the Blushing Ladies Journal, she weighed in on the debate of letting your fantasies go unspoken or telling your partner what you want. More accurately, she identifies my biggest fear: That my partner will either look at me different because of my fantasy or that one of us will feel pressure from high expectations. If only she knew! My fantasies go into my stories (except for, you know, that Angelina Jolie thing). I won't even let potential boyfriends read my work because I'm afraid of giving them an inferiority complex. My Heros are tall and strong, with bodies that boggle the mind and stamina that could possibly cause a permanant bowlegged stride if he were real.

But they're not real. And I tell myself (and my potential partner) that I don't expect them to live up to this unrealistic fantasy I have built up in my mind. After all, I'm a writer. My job is to put fantasies on paper, not force the man in my life to live up to something he can't achieve.

Maybe that's what we really need to do when sharing our fantasies with partners. We need to tell them what we want, what we'd like, and our realistic expectations where they are concerned. We can't expect our men to be the chiseled Gods of Physical Love and our women to be the Ultimate Private Pornstar Experience and still maintain a healthy dynamic in the relationship. Though, if you can find either of those two, I'd love to know! (And I'm a sucker for a story that comes with pics. LOL)

Further Reading:

Masturbation

Discussing Your Fantasies @ The Blushing Ladies Journal

5 comments:

Autumn Seave said...

"I wasn't sure what she would say--and she's not even a potential partner!"

LOL - is that a subtle hint? Heh.

I know what you mean though. It can be hard to put your fantasies into words. I started when I got involved with someone long distance a few years back. We couldn't visit often so phone sex became the norm to us.

It is possible - you just have to start slow. Practice saying the words when you're alone. I'm hoping someday soon you'll have someone to share your fantasies with. You deserve it kiddo!

Sara Winters said...

Hint? Now, you know Angelina would get jealous--not to mention your fiance. Stop trying to tempt me!

As far as having someone to share them with, I hope so. I'm getting tired of 50-something year-old men hitting on me on yahoo personals.

Autumn Seave said...

Actually I meant it was a subtly hint at your lack of interest - lol

.....
But not only would my fiance not be jealous but he'd want details later!

Res said...

I have no problem putting my fantasies into words...

It's putting them into "play" I'd like to explore.

Ahh, Nice work if you can get it!

xx,Res.

Sara Winters said...

Well, good luck res. Here's hoping you find the right person to share them with!