He's Horny and She's Easy

Okay, I don't think Rules of Engagement is funny, but I had to steal that ^^ from the commercial. (Go Writer's Strike!)

So, about porn. Yeah, you've read my bitching about the quality before, but I decided to restate my opinions after coming across this post last week. (Yeah, that means I was too lazy to post a response to this blog last week, but at least I'm writing something here, right?)

Oh, pornmakers, why must you underestimate your audience? We are not all as easy or stupid as you might think. Do you know how many untapped reserves of customer dollars you're ignoring by serving your audience the same old crap in different wrapping every chance you get? It's sad and a little sickening to think about with any more than a glancing interest, but what substance is there for the consumer who expects more than close up crotch shots and unrealistic moaning?

Recently, I watched Insatiable for the first time. Over the summer it was Alice in Wonderland and Debbie Does Dallas. I began to wonder, what happened to adult movies as entertainment, as actual movies? What happened to giving the audience what they want to see - something that will turn them on - and making them laugh or want to follow the story at the same time? I'm sorry but, "horny girls lets plumber clean out her pipes" or "Oops, I forgot to wear underwear" doesn't really count as putting a story behind the sex. (This is also my issue with some erotic writing, but don't even get me started on that.) I'm disappointed that instead of finding ways to engage audiences more over the years, porn makers have regressed into creating this kind of hardcore recycling factory that considers the number of face shots per video or the size of the lead actress's implants an indication of it's selling power over producing quality work that people will want to watch on repeat and recommend to others.

Who am I to complain? I'm a consumer. More specifically, I'm a college-educated woman in my mid-20s. I feel ignored by the people who should be catering to me. Back in one of those fancy schmancy classes I took in that big learning building (Social Deviance, if you want to be specific), we studied the porn industry (and other exploiters of sexual deviance). (Oh, yes. It was as fun as it sounds. We even watched a documentary that flashed a boobie for half a second. Someone in the second row nearly had a seizure from the shock.) It didn't amaze me that about 90 percent of porn is created specifically for a male audience (though the I think the majority of "lesbian" porn is questionable in it's intended audience), what baffles me is the amount of money they make.

Why are men spending upwards of 40 billion dollars a year on crap? Okay, so it's not all men and it's not all crap (and that amount is probably small). But how many times have you bought a DVD (or downloaded a movie you should've bought) and thought, "This is totally worth the $45 (0r $9.95 or $60) they charge for it"? I don't think I've felt that way more than a couple of times. I don't think much of it is worth half what they charge for it. I've gone through a lot of overpriced crap to come to that conclusion.

I know damn well I'm not the only one who thinks Tera Patrick's movies are interchangeable. She says her three or four lines, takes off whatever random tight costume she has on, opens her mouth, bends over, lays back, bends over again then gets on her knees and opens her mouth. Big whoop. Same with Tyra Banxxx. Or Jenna Haze. Or half a million other "actresses." Not to say anything against these women (who do something I know damn well I couldn't work up the nerve to do), but can't they take a little more pride in their work? I mean, they're getting paid bucketloads, but you'd think they'd at last want their masterpieces to be better than the other crap out there. Isn't that the best way to get yourself to stand out? Create a product that others can't compete with. In this case, it might require them to display a skill other than taking it deep or not screaming when it's shoved in dry.

I miss the days when porn actresses had to, you know, act. (Yes, I am aware of my age. Please see my recent viewing earlier in this post.) Okay, I don't expect you to sing like Marilyn Chambers, but at least put a little effort into it. I think the Pirates movie is an exception. I was shocked to find myself entertained by something recent for the first time in a while. The movie was funny, interesting (this was just before I saw the Disney Pirates movies), and still had a few hot scenes to keep people interested.

Why can't there be more movies like this produced? You'd think industry professionals would take a look at the interest that movie garnered (and the buckets of money it raked in) and take a much-needed hint at what they need to do differently. So the acting wasn't the best. So what that the story line was heavily borrowed (much like Alice in Wonderland), it was still good. Matter of fact, I found it a hell of a lot more interesting than much of what I've been subjected to the past few years. (Naughty America tries, but isn't quite there yet.)

Back to the post that originally inspired my rant. Alex made some great points. Porn has gotten so nasty and unrealistic it's hard to even watch, let alone get off with. There are some holes that don't require 11 men and a donkey to exploit, and, let's face it, I don't need a camera up there. Ever. I get it. (T)He(y) put it in, she liked it. So much so, she felt the need to lick it off and ask for more. Ew. I think ATM should be illegal, but apparently, someone likes it enough to consider it a "feature" whenever it's done. Oh, yes. Label DVDs with that so I know what not to buy.

It was refreshing to read Alex's post because I don't have a clear idea what men actually like or dislike about porn. From my position, it's hard to ask because bringing it up online usually gets a lot of lewd responses and offers. It's comforting (if that's even appropriate) to know that a man thinks the tired scenarios should be beefed up, the acts themselves are unrealistic (and some men think this is what real sex should be like - anyone remember Miranda's SITC reference to that awful jackrabbit sex?), and the totality of producers and directors not caring creates a boring repetitive mess. (Yeah, this whole paragraphed is paraphrased like hell. Go read his post.)

Originality is seriously lacking. You watch enough porn and the women start to look the same (from some angles, does it matter?), you can say the bad lines along with the actors, and you can time down to the second how much time the couple or group gives for each act. When is this tired formula going to go the way of the dinosaurs?

In the meantime, I'm going to see if I can find Insatiable II. At least that'll be worth an hour or so of my time.