Saturday, March 27, 2010

Playing catch-up

I know there's been a lack of writing in here from me lately. Well, there's been a lack of writing on my part in general, so I suppose that's a part of it. I'm still trying to make myself believe I can finish something original (that I like/love) and get it published. It kills me that I'm still working on the finishing aspect of this equation. I've got so many ideas and I can't seem to focus enough to finish one thing. Add to that a stressful job, losing my most recent flash drive purchase (with 6 1/2 chapters of FABULOUS! on it) and what is slowly appearing to be the disintegration of my muse, and you have a recipe for a lack of writing career.

The other day I scanned a few pages of a story I'd previously self-published but took offline to rewrite. I don't know what's changed, but I was writing sex scenes so much better then. Or writing some scenes in general better. My writing has improved in a lot of ways, but as I looked over the first and last chapter (and a few pages in between), I was blown away by how good some of it was. Well, except for the ending. That was still sucky and rushed, but I blame that on outside influences. Anyway, I think there's hope for the story as a whole to not suck one day. Maybe. Hopefully. If I can buckle down and finish it. I should set a goal. One chapter a week until I either improve the thing or give up completely.

My problem was that I was listening to someone else and had convinced myself that selling the first draft was possible (or that I didn't have time to perfect it). Even for seasoned writers, this is almost never the case. Why I thought it might be with me was...well, part hubris, part laziness and part willingness to let someone "guide" me because I wanted to believe this person knew more than I did. I think I just like to listen to people when they tell me something I've written is good, even if I question it myself. The truth is, I question everything I write, so I wouldn't know if I was just being doubtful of myself or if it's really good.

I just need to discipline myself. I need a friend who will yell at me until I produce something and hug me when I feel like the world is working against me...then yell at me to get back to it. I'll put finding someone like that on my to-do list.

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