Monday, June 19, 2006

Fulfilling Fantasies

So I'm wrong. I know I am. I, being the tease I am, occassionally hit on my female friends.

It's fun actually. I went from knowing "for sure" that I was strictly hetero (around age 11) to having "some questions" by the time I was 13. I've always wanted to experiment. I mean, that's what college is for, right? Right. I just never did it.

Now I think I'm getting really bad about it.

I don't consider myself a lesbian or even bisexual. (Personally, I think both labels are highly overrated. Who needs another label to separate themselves?) But, sometimes I'm attracted to women. I think it's kind of strange that more and more often I'm willing to admit that, and more and more often I'm thinking about acting on it when before I couldn't do anything about it.

I never considered acting on it before. Long story short, I was caught acting on my curiosity a few years ago and have made a person I live with even more of a homophobe because of it. She constantly talks about gays as if they're an alien species and should be kept at a distance lest one of us catch whatever they have. (The irony of a black woman referring to anyone else as "those people.") I'm tempted to piss her off and tell her I have a girlfriend, but I honestly don't want to deal with the daily aggravation.

Now I'm considering acting on it. I know some of my friends probably don't know what to think of me, with the way I speak to them. Is it my fault I have a thing for green eyes and may be developing a thing for blondes??? LOL Yeah, I'm thinking bad thoughts about people who it'll never happen with, but how in the world do I go about starting something like this? This is so... I don't know what the word is. Sad? Pathetic? Slutty? I don't want a relationship, per se, just... an experiment. Yeah, I think slutty is the right word.

For now, I'm going to stop teasing the blonde (if I can). Poor thing is going to have to put up with me taking over her apartment next month, the last thing she needs to worry about is whether my camera sitting on the dresser is running. But there are always possibilities....

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