untitled mindfuckery post

I'm going nuts. Which is to say, same shit, different day. I know things are bad when I can't even come up with a title for a blog post.

Maybe this is the usual prepub anxiety and I'm just getting my first taste of it. This will be the first story I have available where the majority of what's happening is not in my hands. I'm not designing the book cover, sending it out to reviewers, doing the final edit or deciding when it's going to be in the hands and on the computers of readers. I'm not sure I can take not being in control. (Screw that silly astronomical analysis from the other day, I am so a Leo.)

I think part of it is feeling like I'm not in full control of my half of the getting published process. I am, but I'm not. I've signed a contract, so there are things I'm obligated to do. And there are things I have to wait on from the other end. Right now, I'm waiting to hear back from an editor about what, if any, line edits need to be signed off on (I'm sure this sentence could do with some editing). I haven't heard from her in about two weeks, so I'm freaking out about that. I'm waiting to see my book cover. I know they know what I'd like to see, but I'm curious what the art department comes up with based on the (probably too vague) description I gave them.

It just feels like everything is happening too quickly. Two months ago I was beating myself up for not finishing the book fast enough. Now, emailless, I'm wondering if my editor has forgotten I exist. I'm probably worrying for nothing. She has a life. Other books/writers/life things to worry about. The date I heard about the book being released may not even be set in stone, so my concern about having time to look over changes could be based on nothing more than nerves about how the book will be received. I can't help worrying.

Adding to my general worrying: I broke the power cord for my laptop last week. So I've had to trek to the library or sneak on the computer at work in order to not feel cut off from the world. Plus, before that I was having trouble working on my new book. Then, no machine to type on! This wasn't an issue until a few days ago when I felt like writing something and my brain started to hurt at the thought of going long-hand. I type 90 wpm, writing a story the long way is not appealing unless I'm truly stuck. Now that I've got my laptop back to working order? Have barely written a sentence outside of a few posts online, a couple of comments on twitter and this blog post. Yay me?

I think part of the issue with this new story is being unsure of the storyline. I keep thinking the way things come together in chapter two is too convenient for the main characters - like, it would never happen that way in real life (or there's a reaaaaaaaally small chance of it) and readers would have to suspend their belief in this series of events to continue the story. Or does it matter? If the book is good enough, will the barely believable premise be a nonissue? I hope so. I like the way I've set up the beginning of the book, I just have to make the second chapter work so I feel comfortable continuing. On the plus side, my reader Suzanne says the first chapter is "hot." So much that she said it four times. Heh. Always a good thing. Now I just need a title (and maybe a little more of a plot) and I'll be good to go.

Oh, and a book cover, final edit and contact so I don't feel like I'm going crazy alone would be nice as well. ;-)

I swear, I'm not as down about this process as I might sound. I've been driving myself crazy about this book for a while now and I needed to vent. I'm excited and just want to see the book out already.