Friday, June 18, 2010

Delicious Dilemma

I have an issue. Not a problem, per se. If it is, it's the best kind of problem to have. Remember that query letter I was so nervous about sending out a few weeks ago and the response I finally got back? Details: I submitted a m/m erotic short story to a website and heard back about five weeks later. The lovely lady I heard from said they'd publish the story as is, but she'd prefer if I wrote the same characters in a 50,000 word novel. Fantastic, right? I thought so. Still do. Not so sure about my muse.

I write fanfiction for two reasons. One, because I enjoy playing with someone else's characters. And two, it gives me a way to build my skills (and keep the muse active) in between writing stuff of my own. After I sent off the query letter, my muse sort of shut down on me. I couldn't write so much as a bad fanfic poem after a couple of days. After nearly five weeks of nothing, I managed to finish a story that was two-thirds written anyway. Then, the next day, I heard back about my query. I thought I was only stalled that way because I was so nervous about putting myself out there finally. Now, I'm not sure.

It's been over a week and I've barely written more than 400 words. I know the characters, the backstory (which is becoming the novel), the tone I want to adopt - everything.

Can't. Get. Anything. Out.

I don't know what's wrong! I even want to blame the World Cup. So, that means I won't be writing anything of substance until the second week of July? I can't possibly have a career if I have more excuses than stories. At least, not one that anyone could follow.

This is what I'm really afraid of - that a publisher will contract me to write something (like a sequel or series), I'll get an advance and I won't be able to produce. Or, worse, I'll just churn out anything because I have a deadline and I don't want to seem like I can't work with a publisher. My timetable is sometimes inconvenient to other people. I know I write slow sometimes. I can deal with that. Not having words at all? I don't know what I'll do with myself if this continues. *sigh* I need to read something to get me in the mood. Good books always inspire me. I just hope it'll work this time. I need this chance to work out. Who knows when I'll get another one?

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