Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again. Well, maybe not exactly that. I dreamt of that woman again. Her name isn't Rebecca and she's not the ghost of my husband's first wife, but I can't get her out of my head all the same. I dream of her face, her body - every part of her stays in my mind, invading my dreams with vivid clarity.
I don't even know why. I don't particularly like this woman now. My attraction to her is passing. Perhaps it's only there when I close my eyes. During the long nights when sleep doesn't want to come, she's there, calling to me, reaching for me, smiling that smile that makes me want to slap her. But I don't. Instead I dream of things that will never happen. Things that, when I'm awake, I'd like to believe I don't want to happen.
Last night, or this morning rather, I dreamed of her again. I don't know how I got there. She has been on my mind a lot the last few days, but I put it down to spending a lot of time in the past few months thinking of her in my waking hours. I had no idea she was preparing to invade my head again. I was in her apartment. Strangely, it was my own choice. I had been invited to participate in a...private party with her and her "boyfriend." Me, being the sweet the little prude I am, joining this couple for some private games. It's a joke, really. I don't think I could even if this were real. She's just too...I couldn't. But I was there with them. Willingly. Eagerly. And I had decided to watch them instead of joining. I had been wanting to watch them for a while anyway, so this was perfect.
They were in the center of the bed. She was down to her bra and a lacy thong and he was in boxers and a tank top. Hers, black. His, white. She was laying lengthwise on the bed and he was kissing her, on the lips and her neck and shoulders, but she couldn't take her eyes off me. I was sitting in a stiff wooden chair next to the bed, reading a book (Wizard and Glass, if you're interested) and pretending to not be interested. The more he kissed her, the slower he went, the more he got into it, the more she watched me and tried to get me to pay attention.
Finally, she called my name. I looked up. I knew what she wanted, but I wanted to tease her. She likes this game. She asked why I wasn't watching. I said, "When you do something interesting, I might think it's worth my time to pay attention." I held up the book and shook it a little. "When you're screaming loud enough to distract me from this, I'll pay attention."
She pouted. Told me she wanted me to pay attention to her. Not them, her. Selfish bitch, I thought. I put my bookmark in my place and closed the book. I put it down on the chair and walked over to the bed. He had stopped kissing her by then, realizing it was useless trying to keep her attention since she was determined to watch me. I had gotten her under my control and all I had to do was pretend to ignore what she was doing.
I barely glanced at him as I leaned over the bed. "What do you want from me?" I asked. She looked surprised. I guess she wasn't expecting me to be aggressive. I repeated the question. Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth, but no sound came out. I turned to him. "Get off the bed and go over there." I motioned to the chair I'd just left. He smiled and moved away, knowing he was going to get a show.
She looked a little scared as I turned back to her, but smiled anyway. I kicked off my shoes and kneeled on the bed, crawling to where she sat propped up on pillows. I came close to her ear and whispered, "Did you want my undivided attention?" I kissed her cheek, then the spot just below her ear. She started nodding. "Is that all you want from me?" I looked into her eyes then and got the answer I wanted. She wanted me and she was too afraid to say it. She couldn't ask for what she wanted, so she just leaned forward, hoping I would take the hint.
I kissed her. Her lips were soft, and it was a long moment before she kissed me back. When she did, I could feel her trembling. She reached for me and I pushed her back. Without thinking about it, I pulled off my dress and threw it to the side. I only let her look at me for a second before I began kissing her again, the same way her man did, only better. Hotter. Slower. She started to shake again as I put my hands on her. I ran my fingers up her arms and over her back slowly. I let my fingertips linger near the base of her spine and she started moaning, clutching me to her so I wouldn't pull away again.
I unfastened her bra and pulled away just enough to let the straps slide down both of her arms. I continued to kiss her as I did this, and we slid back on the bed until she was laying flat on the pillows. Next, I pulled off her underwear. I watched her eyes as I slid them slowly down her legs. The panties were damp. I tossed them at her boyfriend and looked back at her. She looked scared and excited at the same time, but she didn't stop me from anything I was doing. I came back to the head of the bed, straddling her legs. Her eyes dropped to my breasts for a second before returning to my face.
I leaned close, as if I were going to kiss her again. She closed her eyes and started when I spoke again. "Do you want me to touch you?" She leaned forward and I moved back, not ready to kiss her until she answered. I repeated the question, firmly. She whispered "yes" in a voice so soft I could barely hear it. I rewarded her small act of bravery by kissing her again, but this time my hand was on her bare hip and sliding along her thigh. She shivered underneath me as I kissed her. I took my other hand and ran it from the side of her neck, to her shoulder and then, finally, to her bare breast. After a minute, she grabbed the back of my head and pulled me in closer, till my body was pressing hers into the bed.
I gripped her waist firmly and slid my mouth from hers. She gasped and whimpered, but didn't ask me to come back and kiss her. I kissed along her neck and shoulders and let my hand slide to the inside of her thigh. She moved her hips forward but I moved my hand out of the way. I didn't want to give her what she wanted yet. I kissed the skin over her collarbone and lower and I was surprised by how soft her skin was. It felt like silk beneath my lips. When I moved my tongue out to taste her skin, she whimpered again and slid further down the bed, urging me to do more.
I brought my hand back to the outside of her leg, then slid it up to her ass and squeezed. She arched her back and that was when I pulled the tip of her breast into my mouth. I watched her eyes as her nipple hardened against my tongue. They widened and she stared at me, hypnotized by what I was doing to her. I sucked hard for a few seconds before releasing her nipple from my mouth. She arched again as I flicked my tongue lightly against her nipple, teasing her, before pulling it into my mouth again and sucking long and slow. She was sliding towards me on the bed now, encouraging me to touch her.
I kissed her nipple and shook my head, sliding my face close to hers again. "What do you want?" I whispered. My hand slid low on her thigh again. My lips brushed against her cheek, her neck before I came to her ear and kissed the lobe softly. She closed her eyes and turned her head, giving me better access. "Do you want me to touch you?"
I glanced at her boyfriend. He was watching us with stern concentration. I could tell he wanted to join us. He caught my eye. I shook my head no before he could even get up. I didn't want to be interrupted.
I moved my hand to the inside of her thigh again and slid it up slowly, laughing softly as she started to shake beneath me. She bucked her hips into the air, urging my hand up and I stopped, waiting until she was still on the bed to continue. I could tell she was having a hard time controlling herself and it excited me. But I couldn't let her see that. I kissed her lips again and pushed her back onto the bed. She was whimpering again as I slid my tongue deep into her mouth and slid my fingers inside her. She started to shake and I pulled my hands and lips back, staring at her as she glared at me.
"Is that what you want? Is that where you want me to touch you?" I asked.
She continued to stare at me and I knew she was trying not to grab me or beg for me, but I wasn't leaving her a choice on the second one. I leaned close and asked my question again. This time, I had my lips against hers, my hand tracing lightly between her open legs. I could feel her heat against my fingers, her breath against my lips. I looked into her half-open eyes and smiled. I asked my question again. This time she responded by nodding and pulling me back to kiss her, sliding a little on the bed till she got my hand where she needed it.
When I touched her again, I let my fingers slide in deep and slow. It felt like I was soaking in her juices. Suddenly, it seemed as if everything part of her body was on fire. Her hands on my back, her lips and tongue against mine, her skin rubbing against me. I stroked her from the inside and she clutched at me desperately, moaning loudly as I found her g-spot and teased her. I glanced at her boyfriend again. He was enjoying the show.
Then I broke contact with her, mouth and hand, and she almost came off the bed. I held her eyes with mine, silently asking her to tell me what she wanted, what she needed from me. I raised my wet fingers to her lips and rubbed them back and forth slowly. Her tongue came out and she tasted herself, smiling shyly.
"Is that good?" I asked. She nodded. I lowered my lips to her collarbone and kissed my way over her chest and down to her stomach. "Do you want me to taste it too?" She was nodding before I could get the question out.
I settled myself between her legs. She had opened like a flower before me, glistening and warm. I closed my eyes and inhaled her sweet scent for a moment before opening them and catching her eyes on me. I stuck my tongue out and touched the tip to her clit. She closed her eyes and shuddered, sliding her hips forward. I slid back just in time. I didn't want to be rushed. I used my fingers to spread her open wider. I knew it was taking a lot of effort for her not to shake at this point, but I wanted to see how far I could push her. I pursed my lips and blew cool air between her legs. She shivered again and cursed under her breath, just loud enough for me to hear it. But she didn't move closer again. I blew again and her hips jerked quickly with a small orgasm. She was so sensitive now, I think if I just stared at her hard enough, she would come again.
I pushed her legs up on either side of my head, bringing her ankles as close to her hips as I could. I pushed her legs far apart and told her I didn't want her to move. I had a feeling if she lost control, she'd put me in a headlock and I wouldn't be able to move. She had a way of being...passionate like that. Once you get her started, it's hard to stop.
I stuck out my tongue again and licked her slowly, moving my tongue up and down in short strokes as I watched her eyes. Her gaze went from focusing on me to becoming glazed over and distant. Finally, she closed her eyes and tilted her head back. I could hear her nails ripping into the sheets as I continued. Minutes later, I had her screaming - my name, nonsense words and sounds. She was shouting and moaning and thrashing on the bed. Then I was on top of her again, my fingers replacing my tongue, my mouth on hers as she came again. She pulled me close as I kissed her, her lips stopping every so often to travel over the lower part of my face, to taste herself. Gradually, we both stopped and released each other.
I looked at her boyfriend one final time. His face was a mixture of excitement, frustration at not being allowed to participate and satisfaction - he had gotten just as much physical pleasure out of the experience as she had. He was smirking at me. I knew why. I said I'd never do that. I swore I wouldn't. I had to admit, it felt weird to feel another woman on my face that way, but it wasn't entirely unpleasant. But I'd never tell her that.
I turned back to her. She had fallen asleep, her arms around me. I was ticked off, but I kind of knew this would happen. It happened every time I had this dream. I would touch her and she...would take and take, as she always did. It's a part of her personality, nothing I can change. Then I woke up frowning. I left the dream unsatisfied. I always do.
