You Know You Masturbate Too Much When...

I'm sure there's such a thing as too much in the way of disclosure, but I figured this post is long past due.

You know you spend too much quality time with yourself when...

-you download adult movies on a regular basis just to keep a few new ones in stock.

-(if you're a germ freak like me) you find yourself running out of that expensive anti-bacterial soap because you wash your hands so frequently. The same can be said for my favorite lotion.

-you laugh at people who get carpul from typing. They have no idea.

-your friends know better than to call you at a certain time of night. If you're answering the phone with one hand...

-if your friends do call at night (or any time where I'm concerned LOL), they get suspicious if you're too quiet, can't catch your breath, or laugh a bit off key.

-your toes have curled permanantly into one position.

-the people at the local toy store not only know you when you come in, they pull products to the side for you and give you the employee discount.

-you're me.

-you break out into uncontrollable laughter any time you hear the words "hair trigger", "massager" or "release."