Online Stalking - NSFW photo/video edition

No, my "liking" of Radcliffe has not gotten out of hand, just taken a new turn. Several things to discuss.

The first, I am sick of HBO playing HP movies. Order of the Phoenix has been on like five times in the past two weeks. It's just teasing fans who wish they could see the new one. Boo.

Second, WB needs to stop releasing pics of the new one and just surprise us all with a Christmas release. There are hundreds of screen shots from this movie online. Enough that I was able to put together my own version. Do they really think that's a way to appease fans? It's just irritating me.

Third, I found out this nude pic of Daniel is fake. Granted, that's not so big a deal (ignore the obvious pun) since he was supposed to be 17 when the pic was taken, but it did make me wonder. Not what he looks like naked (which I know), but why someone went through all the trouble of faking it. Pretty good editing job, though. I'd heard it was fake when it was released, but I'd never seen proof before yesterday.

Speaking of that site, I think I might love them. Or be afraid of them. Both? They've posted two videos of Daniel doing Equus in the last few weeks.


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I know everyone's all excited about seeing him naked, but it would be too much to ask for someone to record the rest of the two hour play? I'd been trying to get tickets for so long, gave up and ended up spending the money. (Though I was still working on plane fare.) Now that I'm broke, I hear that the shows aren't selling out. Fantastic. But that leaves room for a full camera crew, right? Right.

Speaking of cameras in odd places, the site also has pics of Prince William (my true love!) taking a whiz outside a polo match. Here's a hint sweetie. When you're as famous as, well, you, there are always cameras around. Everywhere. Go find an actual bathroom. There's a smaller chance of a camera in there. Unless you really wanted to prompt that debate on whether you're circumsized or not and the benefits of that particular surgery. Then, by all means, flash away. I won't complain.

saving brain cells

Quitting is bad, right? But doing it to save your (remaining) sanity is good, yes? I hope so. It's been (technically) a week since I quit NaNoWriMo and my brain is hurting a bit less than it was last weekend. Honestly, I was firing on two brain cells and way too much caffeine. Not that I've slowed down on the caffeine since, but I don't spend my days pulling out my little bit of hair to squeeze out a story that didn't want to come. Speaking of that, I'm debating getting back into rewriting my previously publshed erotic/romantic works. I've put everything down for so long, I don't even know if I'll be able to pick it back up again - especially if it requires me to write about people with happy, fulfulling sex lives and actual relationships. Because I'm an expert on that, right? Good thing writers don't have to actually experience what they write about, or erotica writers would be few and far between. We'll see if I can put myself through the of torture writing it again.

In other news, My Harry Potter obsession has led me to create my own version of the Half-Blood Prince movie that should have been released yesterday. Yay for Power Point and hours of free time.

desperation and the lust for the end result

Now I know something's wrong with me. I'm so stuck on my NaNoWriMo novel that I'm thinking about getting back to an erotic story I started over a year ago. A story I didn't even like that much. There are times when I think my wanting to be a "successful" writer is just an idea. I like ideas. I'm good at ideas. I get story ideas all the time. It's the execution that escapes me. Don't get me wrong, I've written some stories that have gotten great reviews. I even liked a few of them. It's just a lot of time, I feel like my writing doesn't live up to my own standards. Is it my standards that need to change or my focus?

Focus. Now there's something I could use more than a man and a drink. (Well, maybe not more but I could use...see what I mean?) This time last year, my NaNo was so difficult to write because it was a heavy emotional story about losing someone and grief and therapy and all that stuff. I had to put myself in my character's head and try not to cry every time I sat down at the keyboard. This year I feel like I just walked into a world of a dozen or so characters and they have less of a clue about what's going on in their world than I do. This is not a good thing.

At least when I was writing just erotica, I knew what was happening, how it would happen and how many people were involved. Do I miss that or do I miss writing about sexual tension all the time? Is that what my fantasy is missing? I didn't want it to be a part-romance, but I might have to rethink that if it's the only way to get this thing moving. Offset the depressing genocide (which I still can't figure out how to write in a way that makes sense) with a slightly less depressing storyline. But it seems like romance in the middle of an intense building war scenario would be completely out of place.

Am I wrong? Do I just need to read other people's examples of doing this to know I'm not that far off? Or should I trust my instinct that my current story is turning to shit and I need to stick to romance and adult type offerings?

I can't figure it out and just trying has been giving me a headache for days.

So here's the real question: Do I give up and write what is easy or make this work? Do I go back and fix what I've already written?

I refuse to give up on writing altogether. I can't.