the perils of cuteness

Let me give you men out there some tips. I don't know if any of you have ever run into this kind of thing, but when you're hanging out of a car window (or at the bar or walking around outside of chutch, yes chutch) and you call out to a woman and she ignores you, she is not playing hard to get. She is saying thanks, but no thanks. Maybe she's not even saying that. She might just be saying getthefuckawayfromme, but that over the shoulder look and the increase in walking speed does NOT mean "Come get me."

So, Tuesday of this week, I decided to be cute. I put on a dress I haven't worn in a year (mostly because I haven't done stomach crunches in years) and my favorite leather sandals (wrong day to wear those) and went out to harrass this woman into giving me a job at a place I only sorta want to work at. (Found a better place later, more on that in another entry.) Yeah, I knew this dress was not appropriate for a job interview (being casual, not slutty), but I dressed like hot (businesslike) shit last week and I couldn't do anything more than get my application on the side of her desk. Boo. So I was like, fuck it, let me be cute today. At least if I don't get a job, I'll look cute doing it.

As soon as I leave the house, I see the bus pass 10 minutes early. Seeing as how I'm usually at the stop early and this particular bus is almost always late, I figured it was just not my day. I decided to walk a little bit in the direction of the bus line and catch the bus further down the street. I need the exercise anyway. I get a few blocks past my house and I hear this person of the male persuasion shouting at my ass. How do I know he was shouting at my ass? Why, because when he waiting at the light, he didn't even blink when he looked at my face, and as soon as I walked past him, he lost his damn mind. Honestly, I think I look cute in that dress, but it wasn't that serious. Instead of going straight like he was supposed to, he turns the corner and slows down and tries to shout at me through his passenger-side window. I glanced at him for half a second and then walked faster without looking at him. Good signal right?

Apparently not.


A few blocks later, he pulls up when I'm passing the 7-Eleven. He shouts at my ass again. I look over, roll my eyes and keep walking. WTF? It took me a second to recognize his voice, but it's the SAME DUDE. I KNOW I'm not that cute. I wish I was, but no, not really. I keep walking, only now I'm looking over my shoulder and hoping the next bus will be in 5 minutes instead of like 20.

I get further down the street. By this point, I'm admiring flowers and houses in the neighborhood, knowing if I pull out my camera, I'll probably be in the middle of taking some picture when the bus comes and I really won't make it downtown to talk to that woman.

Then, I get to the last bus stop I'm willing to walk to. I walked farther than I thought I would, mostly because I kept looking over my shoulder. While I'm standing at the bus stop, checking my watch (cell phone) every few minutes or so, I hear a voice behind me say "What's up?" I kinda half turn and say "Hi" before I go back to keeping a look out for the bus. I guess I'm nice enough to other broke people who take the bus like I do. Imagine by surprise when this person I don't take any notice of says "So why didn't you stop back there?" I turned to look at this fool. Without any instruction from me, my right eyebrow goes up. "I was trying to talk to you back there." Then he eyes me up and down real slow.

Now, men, this is where I was going at the beginning of this post. If a woman purposely ignores you, especially if she does it twice, that is NOT an invitation to force your company on her. That motherfucker is lucky I don't carry mace or a gun (yet). Wait till I have enough cash to apply for a gun license. Anyway, back to the story.

I rolled my eyes and made a point of exaggerating that I was looking for the damn bus. The rest of the conversation went like this.

Stalker: So you don't want to talk to me?
Me: (eye rolling.)
Stalker: My name is (I blocked it out - sorry). (holds out hand.)
Me: (grabs two fingers, then releases and looks for bus again. takes two steps away.)
Stalker: You know, I'm a real nice guy. I hope you don't mind me following you like this. I'm not like a stalker or rapist or anything.
Me: (thinking real loud) Oh really motherfucker? So you don't think following somebody for a little more than half a mile and circling blocks and shit makes you a stalker? You don't think it's bad to follow a woman walking alone and repeatedly try to get her over to your car when she obviously don't want to talk to you? I've known plenty of perverts and I've been followed before and trust me when I tell you, I wouldn't hesitate to shoot your ass if I had the chance. (I really, really should've said all this shit out loud.)

On a side note: There was someone in my area going around snatching up women, raping them and dropping them back off at their apartments in BROAD DAYLIGHT a little over a year ago. Not only did I work with one of the women he raped, I went to high school with him, had a crush on his best friend for over a year and may have even hung out with him a few times. I trust no man who randomly brings up stalking and rape into a conversation where he's supposedly trying to woo me. Back off motherfucker! Back to the story.

Him: I see you're waiting for the bus.
Me: (more eye rolling. I eye the change in my hand, hoping I hadn't dropped any of it. It would not do to be a few pennies short if this dude intends to follow me onto the bus.)
Him: So you're not going to tell me your name?
Me: No. (Looks down the street and smiles. Bout damn time the bus comes!)
Him: So, the bus is coming.
Me: (eye roll, plus brow raise, plus one shoulder shrug. I think perhaps he was checking me out then, because he started breathing all hard.)
Him: So, I could give you a ride--
Me: (choking on air)
Him: Or I could like be your personal financier so you don't have to pay for things like this. If you were with me, you wouldn't have to pay for a ride.
Me: (thinking: I do not need you to give me a dollar for the bus.)

Bus comes. Door opens.

Him: Okay, bye. You didn't give me your name, but hopefully I see you again. (shouting by this point.)
Me: (thinking: Please don't let this fool follow the damn bus! I can never walk in this neighborhood again. WTF is wrong with him?!)

In short, no really does mean no. I don't care what dumbass women you know who have played hard to get or coy or whateverthefuck they do, when I (and most other women) ignore you or walk away, it means GETTHEFUCKAWAY!!! Be prepared to accept that as our final answer, because some of us may say it again another way, and it will probably hurt more than just your feelings.