Confessions of An Attention Whore

I amaze myself. I should be thankful, but instead I'm a little scared. I spent my usual amount of time on the computer this weekend, just a little less since one of my usual nuisances was missing.

Today alone I've written almost 5,000 words on this wild story I'm writing, bringing my total to almost 7,000 for the weekend. Something is so off with me. It's rare for me to write that in one day, it happens maybe once or twice a year, if that. I don't want it to stop, but I don't know what I'm doing differently to help it happen.

Thinking about it, I wonder why I couldn't write like this when I was in school. Other than the obvious--that poli/sci papers didn't interest me. I can't even get a concrete interest in the other story I'm working on, the one I could potentially get paid for, and I've been writing it for weeks. This new thing is now longer. The other story isn't even gonig badly, just not holding my interest.

Why is that? Is it because I'm posting this one at a message board and getting instant feedback? Maybe. I've never been one to shy away from compliments. And, being a Leo, any chance to have someone tell me my work is wonderful is a chance I'm willing to take. It's scary, though. Will it always be hard for me to produce results if there isn't that instant gratification waiting for me?

I've been struggling for years to finish several novels and the only one that's made it to the finish line so far is the one that was being read by a decent number of people chapter by chapter. Sure, that motivated me to finish, but it also affected what happened in the story. I've feared this before. I attempted to write my last somewhat long story without showing it to anyone until I was finished and was asked (polite word for told) to show it to one person, eventually got insecure because of the unsolicited feedback I received, then ended up sending it to a friend for some good old fashioned ego stroking.

Will I ever be able to complete a masterpiece without baring the unfinished skeleton to a chosen few? Time will tell.

Ah, such is the weakness of budding genius.