Admitting Defeat

I have to admit it, NaNo is kicking my butt. I thought I was going to do so much better this year, but I just couldn't pull it out. I'm so far behind I don't think I can catch up. It's not the story that's becoming too much for me this year, it's all personal things getting in my head while I write (plus the obscene amount of noise in this house from roommate and her boyfriend - for those keeping track, this was number four on the checklist). I'm about a week behind the word count and I'm pretty sure this is where catching up is more a dream than a plan. I'm not giving up on the story, though. I love this story. I just can't finish it before the end of November. The sad part is anything else I would've attempted, wouldn't have gotten this far with me.

I don't really feel like I'm giving up, more like conceding to the inevitable. My muse just hasn't been cooperating. At least, not on this story. I was working on other things (after staring at the word doc in frustration for a few days), I gave up the tea deprivation and that worked for a while. Then my muse gave up working with me altogether. This blog entry is the most I've written in days. I want to keep going. Even though I know I won't make it to 50,000. I just need to kick my roommates out next week when I know nothing will be on TV and I'll have at least two days off work. Maybe I can still get to at least 30,000.

NaNoWriMo checklist

All right, I can't be the only person putting myself through this torture....uh, fun. Yes, the fun of trying to write 50,000 words in one month. You too can do it! Here's a checklist to help you get started, and for those NaNo veterans, to make sure you're ready for what's coming.

1. Register at the National Novel Writing Month site. It takes less than a minute and does not require any more personal information than you're comfortable sharing. Veterans, make sure to reactivate your account.

2. Build/edit your profile. Most of mine is already filled out, so I just updated with the title of my future masterpiece.

3. Have at least a vague idea of what/who you're going to write about. You don't need the entire thing to be plotted out (it's better if it isn't), but an idea is a good starting point. Makes notes and do research if necessary. It saves time once the month has started.

4. Think about your work/school/social schedule. Try to find at least an hour every day where you can write undisturbed. Commit to this time, even if it means skipping going out to lunch or muting reruns of your favorite show. Writing every day, even if you don't meet the daily goal, is the best way to keep up momentum.

5. Find or make at least one friend who is also doing NaNoWriMo. You can keep each other motivated or even challenge each other. If you're on facebook, you can use this application to keep up with each other's stats. Another good way to stay motivated is to save the inspirational emails you'll receive from the site. I have an email folder with all of the emails from 2007 and 2008. I consider it inspiration year round if I ever need a little push. They certainly help in November.

6. Try to ignore the NaNo horror stories. Yes, it is hard. Yes, you'll start to question your sanity about midway through. But it's worth it. If you stick to it, you'll write something you couldn't have otherwise. Unless you're one of those uber-disciplined people who can write 50,000 words without a problem. If that's the case, you don't really need the challenge, do you? Of course, I think just about anyone can benefit from making this attempt.

(I swear I had more advice than this when I thought of this list at 2 in the morning.)

7. Don't go back and read while you write. It sounds tempting, but don't. It's quite easy to get caught up in looking at what you've done, trying to change it to fit what you think you'll write next, etc. It's a bad cycle. Just go. Believe it or not, when I thought I was writing the most repetitive drivel that no one in their right mind would publish, I read it (after November) and it turned out to be some of my best stuff. I just had to get out of my own way. And to prove this isn't a fluke, I actually own a book that was a NaNo novel the first year I did it and it's brilliant work. You can do this. Just take it one word at a time.

Plaything book trailer

I finally redid the trailer for my e-book!

Accidental Dong

Click (SFW) and smile. Because everyone needs a little more peen in their life.

highly motivated

I can do this. I've updated my NaNo profile with my title, I've settled (somewhat) on a storyline and I'm ready to get running on my novel in November. This should be...something. It'll be my first time attempting NaNo when I have a job. My peak writing hours are usually the obscene wee hours of the night/morning - not the best time since I usually get home from work after 10. I'm going to be tiiiiiiired. Which means one of two things, either I do all of my writing in the daylight morning hours (my head hurts just thinking about it) or I write during my soap operas. That could work. My story is going to be full of drama. I could use the Young and the Restless as inspiration...or not. LOL

Now I just need my muse to not jump the gun. She keeps giving me ideas for the first few chapters. A week early. Heffer. Save it for November! I don't want to be burned out on ideas. I think (as always) this story could be amazing. I have no desire at all to lose my momentum on day three or something. I just need to pace myself. And stop this crazy deprivation of caffeine. It's been 12 days. I have a feeling November 1st will spell the end of my tea drought. I'd hate for my muse to stop speaking to me completely.

Inspiration

The first time a guy in my life inspired me, I wrote the better part of my first book around him. Granted, this was high school, and it wasn't a grand experience I can look back on fondly. (Not because we were young, but because he turned out to be a closeted liar, among other things.) Writing the fictional him was far more satisfying on a personal level. I didn't realize how well I'd captured his personality until several years later when I reread the story. Strange how great relationships seem until you look at them in hindsight. Still, I wouldn't trade those first few happy weeks for the inspiration he gave me.

Now? Mm. J. Okay, I've had this rule about getting involved with coworkers...pretty much since it went badly the first time. Same with smokers. But he just kind of snuck in. I've been saying whatthehell?? for the past couple of days. Well, maybe I was secretly saying hell yes, but he surprised the hell out of me. We've worked together for a couple of months and I had no clue he likes me (aka he thinks I'm beautiful and sexy and likes to stare at my lips and fantasize about kissing me :-p) until Tuesday. Happy surprise.

The sick part, he is so dangerous. Not violent dangerous, personal sanity dangerous. He reads my mind. He reads me. Far too well for someone who barely knows me. I'm thinking that either means we rank high on the compatibility scale or he's especially smooth. Probably both. Still, it scares me. And he knows it. And teases me about it. And then last night/this morning, I realized he reminds me so much of a character in a story I'm rewriting. Bold, flirtatious and drives the MC crazy in a very good way. I'm tempted to steer him into saying something my character might say so I can take notes and finish the part of the story I'm struggling with. It wouldn't take much, he does flirt constantly.

I have to resist that temptation. I mean, what if doesn't work out? Then this story will always remind me of him. Of course, this blog entry might see to that, but I don't want to make that connection any stronger than it is. Except that I do. I want to weave my favorite pastime with my current favorite person until it melds into a delicious piece of fantasy fiction. Or maybe I just don't want to stop thinking about him long enough to get any writing done. That's going to go over well next month. I am quickly realizing it is just as easy to lose yourself in a good man as a good story.

NaNoWriMo 2009

Holy Crap. My NaNo attempt from last year doesn't completely suck, in spite of remaining unfinished. Of course, my attempt from 2007 is unfinished and that one will need a lot of editing before I let the world see it.

It's strange. I wasn't sure I should do it this year - my work schedule is far more stressing than the past two years (well, duh. unemployment!) - but I realize I did some of my best writing during those times, however much I felt like my brain was going to implode afterwards. So, do I join in this year? I signed into my account and checked off all the little boxes, so I guess I'm going to make an attempt. The question is how.

I really don't want to start yet another story when I have so many that are unfinished. I have the rest of the year for that. But it's (technically) cheating to write something that I've begun before November 1st. *sigh* Tell that to my muse. She wants to jump right back into that fantasy/adventure/romance from last year I've spent the past two days reading over. I'm kind of with her on that one. I'm surprised such a complicated story actually made sense when I read it over. I'm wondering if I can recapture the momentum I had before I lost it mid-month and push this thing to the 150,000+ words it will eventually end up with. Or should I wait until I can devote more time to it? You know, after I win the lotto and buy myself that quiet island I fly to every winter to churn out best sellers. (Yes, I will tell every writer out there the name of my real estate person once I purchase this fantasy estate.)

Or...I could write one of the dozen or so ideas I have waiting in the wings. Not to mention the many nonpublishable (read: my unfortunate love of writing fanfic) ideas I have prodding my muse like a handful of hot pokers. Dang it. Maybe I could just write on everything and put it into one word doc and call the total count for the month my NaNo attempt. Seriously. That seems like the best solution.

Except that I never knew forcing myself to work on one story for a month actually helped my writing. I can never seem to do it any other time of year, I get distracted easily. Still, what the hell am I going to write about? So help me, I'm going to pick something from this list (or make one of my friends do it). Or skip NaNo altogether.

1. Unrequited (highly scandalous teacher-student romanticish drama)

2. Fixated (stalker parody - don't ask)

3. Portrait of a Man (sketch of someone's life that may not be 50,000 in total)

4. Taking Chances (girl and best friend, all kinds of unrequited angsty goodness)

5. Undone (romance/parody? - plays off a movie I did not entirely enjoy)

6. Reign of Shadows (fantasy/romance)

7. The Pleasure Palace (erotic novel in serious need of an extensive rewrite)

8. Company Policy (erotic story in an inappropriate - but fun - office setting)

I'm limiting it to these because the many short stories I have pending won't add up to 50,000 words, even if I write all of them. The sad part is, I've written at least one partial scene for all of these; I've done the least for Portrait (half a page). I just can't start yet another new story without finishing something. My muse is idea oriented, but doesn't like to follow through. Yes, it's her fault!

I've listed my ideas, now what? Someone tell my muse to pick! I gave up caffeine last week, so I'm sure she'll stop speaking to me soon. Then again, she might do that anyway. After all, I'm debating writing at length. That's usually enough to send her running.