Dirty Mind at Work

Flash Me: Inspired

2012-01-23T15:05:00.004-05:00

I'm still working on the extended version of my short story, Starting Over, but I've got a little flash fiction that's an outtake from the longer story. Enjoy.

“Tease.”

“Yes.”

That little grin from Kurt would've inspired him to take over on any other day, but James held back. He wanted to see what Kurt was going to do. He was the novice after all. How much could he—

“Holy hell.” Kurt flicked his tongue again and James whimpered. His hips bucked.

“I guess you liked that.” Warm breath against his thigh. Higher. James felt the soft trace of that wicked tongue along his length. Then teeth, just gentle enough for him to feel it. And lose control. The kid had been taking notes.

___________
Photo © Les3photo8 | Dreamstime.com

so, about buttsechs

2012-01-21T12:33:00.000-05:00

I've got a new blog post up on Conversextion about anal sex because, as we all know, I'm the expert on these things. Ha. No. It's sort of a beginners Don't Be Scared guide to back door fun. Please to be reading and commenting?

Speaking of buttsechs, I've got a new ongoing serial in the works and YOU can help me decide if I should keep it more about the characters and their drama (with their clothes mostly on) or keep the action going in all ways by participating in the survey to the right. Your participation is much appreciated.

keep it clean

2012-01-20T12:45:00.000-05:00

I've got a blog up at Conversextion about the "controversy" surrounding condom use in porn. Let me know what you think in the comments.

Also, I've got a survey on the right side of blog that needs YOUR input.

speaking of free porn (a survey)

2012-01-19T18:38:00.000-05:00

Dear sexy story reader,

May I please have your opinion? If you were to begin reading an ongoing serial, would you be more interested in reading a story light on the sex or would you be drawn in by all the hot and heavy activity in between those other words?

Basically, would you prefer an erotic story with everything else a close second or a story focused more on the character's lives with the occassional sex scene?

Please click on the survey over there --> and bless me with your answer. Sound off in the comments if you'd like to elaborate.

Adventures of an Internet Ninja

2012-01-19T15:24:00.001-05:00

What have I been up to the past few weeks? (Besides writing. I think we all know the voices in my head never shut up.) Trying to make my website all fancysexy so potential readers of my ongoing serial can find everything easily. No, you haven't missed anything. I'm using the term "ongoing serial" to describe a story I haven't finished and haven't started posting yet. What I'm working on is setting up a subdomain of my website just for this story and getting the posts to show up all pretty.

Well, mission partly accomplished. After reading several tutorials (and drinking untold gallons of extra strong tea), I managed to get the wordpress software installed where and how I need it. Yay! Bonus points for not throwing my laptop across the room in the process. So, now what? I have to figure out to fix this issue with the posts.

Basically, every time I create a new post, the post id number should go up by 1. What I have discovered is every time I edit a post that's already been created, the next post after that is off by one number.

For example, say I post the first five chapters of my story and discover a typo in chapter four (there is a strong likelihood of this happening). Once I edit the post, that should be the end of it. But when I create the next chapter, the post id will automatically become seven instead of six. Bad, Wordpress script! Bad! Why does it do this? This is an internet mystery that has yet to be solved. (Seriously, I've found people complaining about this on the help forum going back as far as 2005.)

So, my choices are 1. to edit the database manually, post by post, every time I have to edit. 2. take the post id number out of each permalink, potentially confusing readers who may be using that to make sure they're reading the chapters in sequence, 3. take the post id out and make the number a part of the post title or 4. never, ever make a typo (or don't correct them if I do).

Number two seems the easiest solution, yes? (*sigh* Or three.) Annoying, but easy. But...but...I want it to look perfect! Without extra effort! (Insert various levels of whining and a little frustrated trinket throwing here.) Alas, I have not figured out how to make this thing work without my nontechie self having to screw around with the database after every edit, potentally screwing things up in a way I won't know how to undo.

Someone save me. Or find me a help post that, you know, helps. I'll give you cookies?

Flash Me: After Work

2012-01-16T23:30:00.002-05:00

I want him to fuck me over the leather chair.

There's no doubt as to why. I imagine the feel of the soft leather brushing against the front of my body every time he moves contrasted with the brush of hair and warm skin and hard muscle against my ass—I can almost come just from imagining the sensory overload.

I'll grip the back of the chair as he pushes into me. The fabric will creak and I'll inhale the sweet odor of old cologne and cigars as he pushes my legs further apart and runs his fingers through my hair.

___________________
Photo © Baloncici | Dreamstime.com

new free anthology

2012-01-16T23:25:00.000-05:00

Don't Read in the Closet: Volume Three is now available for download from All Romance Ebooks. This volume features stories from 27 authors, including yours truly. You can also get the stories in multiple formats from Goodreads.

Flash Me: Lick

2012-01-09T14:29:00.012-05:00

“Mm.”

There was a sharp intake of breath and then a long sigh. Goosebumps sprang along his arms, but he didn't move. Didn't dare. Slowly, inch by inch, David relaxed onto the bed. He closed his eyes. The weight against his back shifted, hard and sticky against soft and yielding. Luke's tongue touched the spot between his shoulder blades again and he shuddered. His nipples tightened to stiff peaks against the soft cotton sheets.

Luke shifted again. His hand met David's hip, moved to cup the warm flesh rounded under his belly.

“How hard do you want it?”

getting into the dating minefield

2012-01-09T10:49:00.000-05:00

I have a blog up at Conversextions about (possibly) taking the first plunge back into the dating world. Check it out.

Flash Me: The Stranger

2012-01-02T14:47:00.001-05:00

He masks his interest behind a cup of coffee, an adequate prop. I smile and keep my eyes on my Kindle. I can't tell if his eyes are hazel or brown from here, but lord, he has the sweetest smile—perfect teeth and dimples get me every time.

I don't care what's happening in Coda—I could be reading about changes to the tax code for all the interest it holds now. Before I can panic and talk myself out of looking again, I hear a throat clearing above me.

I look up. He smiles.

Oh hell. I never stood a chance.

___

Photo © Hurricanehank | Dreamstime.com

Happy New Year

2012-01-02T09:36:00.000-05:00

Greetings all.

I was all set to post a new year message yesterday, but I was...overcome. Yeah, that's the word I'll use. I'm sure a ton of people were overcome with something, whether it be a hangover or pressure to stick to resolutions. I guess I'm one of those people who like to make resolutions every year and don't quite make it through all of them. I'm not even sure what mine were for last year. *goes to check*

Huh. Apparently I didn't put one here, so maybe I was so excited about signing my first book contract I didn't think about anything else. That pretty much sums up the first quarter of last year. (Ugh. It still feels funny to say last year.)

So what am I going to do this year? I've got a list of things in mind that I will probably refer to several times this year, provided I stray off course.

1. I will not obsessively check book ratings and reviews.
2. I will release at least four stories (shorts or novellas) while I'm completing several novels.
3. I will put less pressure on myself to be a perfect writer.
4. I will start my serial story on my website (more on that much later).
5. I will try to be more supportive of my critique group.
6. I will set aside a set word count I have to get every day, unless I truly don't have the time.
7. I will post more reviews of the writers and stories I love on my blog.
8. I will host more contests (what kind do you want to see? free books or gift certificates or both?).
9. I will try to update my blog on a schedule. (Ha. So far I have flash fiction and...yeah. This one's going to be fun.)
10. I will spend less time on the internet.

That last one's going to be interesting seeing as how some of what I'm doing requires the internet (my blog and website) or at least access to a computer. But I can always write offline and just get on to post stuff. But yeah, that means I will not live on facebook this year, no matter how much I love playing Words With Friends (just started Thursday) and I'll have to force myself to focus more on just writing. And not stressing when I can't get every word perfect. And wondering what everyone thinks. Basically, this is the year writing is the true priority, not social networking. Here's hoping I can stick to it.

And here's hoping all of you out there can stick to what you're trying to accomplish this year.

Happy New Year

Flash Me: Play Time

2011-12-26T10:42:00.003-05:00

Rain pulled against the bonds securing his hands to the bed. “Let me out of this.”

Hot liquid pooled against his skin, trailing down his stomach in thick rivulets. Pain flashed in his eyes, brilliant and white hot. He hissed, pain quickly turning into pleasure. Rain heard a chuckle from above and shifted his hips in place. Touch me, please, he thought. He needed friction, something to ease the tension building inside him. The wax began to cool and he whimpered as Dashel tilted the candle and poured more.

He smiled as Rain struggled; the night had just begun.

____

Photo © Berean | Dreamstime.com

Flash Me: Reward

2011-12-19T10:54:00.001-05:00

Soft leather tassels glided against his skin before being replaced by the heat of Alex's tongue. Colin shifted; the cuffs clanged against the bars of the headboard. He braced when Alex inhaled sharply.

“Yes, it will hurt.” The whisper was accompanied by a sharp flick from the whip in his hand. Colin's hip stung. “But I promise to make it better.”

Better. Harder. The sharp touches, hard lashes and soothing control that would soon take over his world. Colin relaxed, relieved it would finally come. He would take his punishment. Welcome it. Reward for being a bad boy.

_____

Photo © Artyom Yefimov | Dreamstime.com

get it while it's hot

2011-12-18T23:37:00.003-05:00

If you were waiting to get it on your Nook or looking for the perfect little stocking stuffer, Worth the Wait is now available at Barnes and Noble and Diesel Ebooks in addition to Smashwords and All Romance Ebooks.

living dangerously

2011-12-13T14:29:00.005-05:00

I LOVE this Dangerous Books for Girls video. Now we know how far back genre shaming goes. Sad that some people choose to live this way, isn't it?

Flash Me: Exposed

2011-12-12T13:44:00.005-05:00

Greetings, readers. I've decided to introduce a new weekly segment on my blog, flash fiction. What does that mean? I get to tease you all with 100 words of sexy, romantic or a fun combination of the two. I'm keeping it at 100 words because it's more of a fun challenge that way. All feedback is appreciated.

Exposed

Nails skated down the column of his back, leaving the faintest mark. He tried not to shiver, to let Jay know how much it got to him, but when those fingers trailed over his cheeks, lower, parting him, he let out a soft sigh.

“We've waited too long.”

A whisper in the dark just before the flick of a warm tongue met his skin. He pushed his hips onto the soft sheets, seeking friction. Relief. Escape.

There was no escaping the delicate invasion. He was naked. Open. Vulnerable. And relieved at not having to hide from what he wanted.

____

Image: farconville / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

new short story!

2011-11-26T14:19:00.004-05:00

Mm. Beautiful, isn't he? After you stop drooling over the hot cover, kindly go over to All Romance Ebooks or Smashwords and check out my new short story "Worth the Wait". It's only 99 cents.

Blurb:

For ten years, Ethan Davis has been content to be nothing more than Marc Guerrero's friend. After one drunken night in college, he forced Marc to pretend nothing between them had changed. Marc has denied himself for far too long. When Ethan comes to visit him for the weekend, he refuses to make the mistake of letting Ethan ignore what's between them a second time.

Excerpt:

With Ethan standing across from him for the first time in years, his for the weekend, the last thing Marc felt was a companionable ease. Things between them hadn't been tense for quite a while, but their relationship hadn't been as carefree as their early college days either. Marc put it down to that stupid drunken escapade that had him throwing himself at Ethan, desperate for more between them than shared study time and easy laughs. He'd broken Ethan's trust that day, and though he'd apologized his way back into the other man's good graces, Ethan never looked at him the same way again.

Now, things were different. He was different. Marc had grown up, gotten away from the partying lifestyle that made him feel as if his mere presence was a gift to those around him and knew himself for what he'd truly been back then. A fool. Hopelessly in love with a friend who'd never wanted more from him than he'd already given. This weekend, Marc hoped to change that.

As an aside, I saw this picture weeks ago and I'm so excited I finally have a story so I could use this for the cover. So, so beautiful.

hot and sexy for half the price

2011-11-26T11:32:00.003-05:00

This is the weekend for great sales. At All Romance Ebooks, all Ravenous Romance titles are half price through tomorrow. That means you can get my book, Hooked, for only $2.49! Also, Ravenous is offering The 12 Hot Days of Christmas for free.

Don't Read in the Closet

2011-11-23T01:03:00.005-05:00

Don't Read in the Closet: Volume Three is now up on Goodreads. Click here to get your FREE copy of this fabulous book featuring my story "Starting Over" and works from 26 other authors.

Also, Don't Read in the Closet: Volume Two is available for download from All Romance Ebooks.

voting is your right and privilege

2011-11-22T18:06:00.004-05:00

Hey, kids! All Romance Ebooks is conducting a digital romance reader survey and they need YOUR input. Just click on the shiny picture below and follow the instructions. Your participation (and spreading the word) would be much appreciated.

I am a NaNo slacker (and other writing news)

2011-11-15T13:20:00.005-05:00

Apparently, I'm not meant to do NaNoWriMo this year, as I wasn't last year. I would say it's because I already have too many stories going on and really have no business starting another, but the truth is...I started another one yesterday. LOL My muse (also known as the collective voices in my head and their ringleader) likes to get excited about new story ideas. I swear, I finish everything. Eventually.

That said, I am debating two online serials: one, the story I started for NaNoWriMo, and the second, a continuation of my short story First Impression. Yeah, the short story I swore I wasn't going to write any more on no matter how many people hated how short it was.

See, here's the thing. I was never sure if I was going to continue it because of how I was inspired to write the story. I was emulating several short stories (and one online serial) about band members in relationships. The most recent inspiration came from my reading of Conquest by S. J. Frost. All of these stories have stuck with me for some reason, but I didn't want to write my own longer version because I don't want to unconsciously recreate any aspect of those stories. I want my idea to be as original as I can make it. Given how much I loved those other stories, this could be an issue. Especially if (when, ha!) I write my serial. There's a big difference between admiring what other writers have done and basically rewriting it with my characters as stand-ins for theirs. Gotta think about the direction of this one before I get too far into it.

The Starting Over expansion/sequel is taking on a life of its own. *sigh* This is a good thing because it means moar gud sturytime! but I didn't see any of this coming. I feel like I should have seen more potential for this story and its characters. Sometimes they do take over and the authors are as surprised as the readers. I thank (blame?) my beta readers for pointing things out to me. It helps to have voices other than my muse in my head.

So, more sexytimes, much more writing ahead and yesterday I got the coolest idea for a book cover for an upcoming novella. Thank goodness for photoshop tutorials!

Whoever is working on adding three more hours to the day, please get on finishing that, kthx.

crisis of inspiration

2011-11-09T11:34:00.004-05:00

I suppose I do one of these little whining posts every few weeks now. Shall I start with something more positive, then? Yes. I'm going to start posting flash fiction every week. I haven't picked a day yet, but I'm going to try to stick to it once a week, 100 words of awesome fiction. So far, all of the ones I've written have been male/male (and HOT!), but that may change. Or not. I guess it depends on reader reaction.

My current crisis involves critique. At the end of the day, I love knowing what people think of my writing. Good or bad. If good, I need to know what I'm getting right so I can repeat it (the ego boost doesn't hurt either). If bad, I need to know why. Reading harsh reviews can hurt like hell, but after I'm done crying, I need to know what didn't work for people.

This is what I tell myself when I'm not upset.

Lately, I've been feeling like everything I write is wrong. I've been second-guessing character development, plot, even if the story makes sense. This isn't helping my overall writing ability. I've been in a kind of holding pattern for most of the year, wondering why some people seem to love my stories and others make me feel like I'm wasting my time and theirs. And there's a few people I think should be supporting me but aren't and I'm stuck wondering if the reason is because they don't believe in my writing.

I've tried putting all of this out of my head. After all, it's depressing. When I'm depressed I can't write. Or what I write sucks. Which makes me more depressed. Circle of bad writing cycle.

It's hard to clear my head of these things. I can't resist reading reviews because I've been posting my stories online since 2000 and I'm kind of addicted to the feedback. But I know I need to write the stories that appeal to me and find the right audience. But how do I find the right audience when I feel like my stories always fall short in some way for a lot of people? What am I doing wrong? What's not funny or sexy or romantic enough? What characters don't hold their interest? If someone says they "loved" or "really liked" the story, why did they only give it three stars? Why don't more people leave reviews when they rate?

Not having these answers bugs me no end, especially when I'm at a low point. Every time I feel like something isn't working, I try a new approach, hoping, wondering if this will be the type of story that'll appeal to more readers. I'm not even sure what I'm doing anymore. I may be losing my writing style in the vain hope of trying to please everyone.

I think what I need is to get away from this notion of writing for as many readers as possible. If the stories are good, they'll come, right? Right?? So, how do I know when they are? I used to know that, or I thought I did. And now, all I know is I'm stuck.

How's that for writing motivation?

Get Hooked for your kindle

2011-11-02T13:02:00.005-04:00

Hooked is now $3.99 at Amazon. Click here to read an excerpt on my website. If you buy it, please leave a review and feel free to "like" the page.

NaNoWriMo 2011

2011-10-31T11:19:00.001-04:00

Yes, kids, it's that time again. No big speeches this year. I just want to write like crazy for a few weeks and get myself back in the game full swing. Who's with me?

serial writer

2011-10-12T12:11:00.005-04:00

I am a serial project starter. Really. I think I have a problem. I get ideas by the ton and next thing I know, I'm working on half a dozen novel at once with a few more on the backburner. I'm not the only one. (Though she probably doesn't look at her ongoing projects with a sense of dread that they will remain unfinished. I'm actually a little jealous of her organizational skills, but I digress...)

My newest project? An ongoing web serial. When I first started writing fanfiction in 2000, I became mistress of the neverending story. Part of that was because I was receiving instant feedback, so my first completed novel ended up with several involved subplots and finally clocked in at 120,000 words. The sequel (never finished) came in closer to 60,000 of a projected 80,000. Much shorter without the reader feedback. Another story (which has it's own blogspot) remains incomplete at 80,000 words, though I may finish it one day.

So, learning from my previous experience, I can totally do this. Granted, with those other stories, I had a vague clue where it was going (the third being the most mapped out, so I can go back to it easily) and a lot of feedback as I wrote. This one I'm going to attempt during NaNoWriMo this year, so I'll be writing at a fairly steady pace with only the faintest clue what might/could/will happen. I only know a little bit about the three main characters and that there's magic involved. I'm reluctant to do too much story planning because NaNo works better for me if I don't preplan everything (plus it keeps me from starting early), but I'm kind of worried about writing an urban fantasy with no idea what's going on. I don't even know what city the story will take place in. But maybe this will all be a good thing. Maybe I can use the epic fantasy to channel my many unused story ideas. Or maybe I can just write without overthinking for once. Ha. We'll see.

Review: Magic University: The Poet and the Prophecy

2011-10-03T12:54:00.009-04:00

(If this is too long for some of you to read, I'm giving the book a hearty recommendation.)

I want to read it again.

I knew before I got to the end of The Poet and the Prophecy that my first reaction to what promised to be a stellar end to the series would be the desire to read the entire thing again. That was how I felt at the end of The Incubus and the Angel. As soon as I'd gotten enough clues to make wild guesses about what would happen, I had to go back to the beginning of the first book and reread the series. As I'd suspected, there were more hints of what was to come—significant relationships, life events, symbolism—than I'd anticipated when I'd raced through the first two books. I anticipate discovering and marveling at new details when I give the last book a second, more careful read through.

The Poet and the Prophecy finds Kyle at the beginning of his senior year, at a kind of crossroads. He begins doubting his beliefs about the prophecy he translated, how the end will manifest itself and how it can be stopped, when it comes to that. The structure of the magical world is falling apart around him and Kyle feels at once responsible to help those who are struggling and guilt for bringing his beliefs into light. At the heart of his questions is this: Is his translation borne from his magical ability to discern meaning from the original poem or a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Kyle soon finds out there are no easy answers. When it comes to magic, everything he has learned is in question, including the stability of the strongest spells in existence. When it comes to love, and the power it has to heal and ultimately fulfill the prophecy, the one person he wants to believe is the other half of his whole can hardly be a room with him, let alone consider anything more than a nodding acquaintance.

Spoilers from here on out.

What I enjoyed most about this story (and there many things) was the progression of Kyle's relationship with Frost. After all of the emotional and physical upheaval the two experienced from the second book forward, it was nice to read about them having honest conversations about their feelings, their wants and needs. Kyle, as always, was willing to play sacrificial lamb (or perhaps white knight is more appropriate) to give Frost everything he needed to feel comfortable. Whether that meant going without sexual satisfaction or making himself vulnerable to whatever spell Frost wanted to perform, Kyle was willing to make that sacrifice out of love for Frost and guilt for having changed him irrevocably. The changes in their relationship were so touching, and Frost's emotional changes handled so delicately, I found myself rereading passages. Seeing the two of them learning to trust each other and grow closer in spite of the issues between them felt real and was beautiful to read.

Kyle's vulnerability is on display more so in this book than the last, with Frost there to witness, and be touched by it, almost every day. A steadfast show of unconditional love was the only way the ice queen was able to break out of her protective cage and the two could come together. One passage in particular was the most memorable exchange for me, where Kyle expresses his feelings and why Frost is so important to him:

"Whether you count it as twice, or six times, or whatever, I know that doesn't give me the right to talk to you or even look at you if you don't want me to," he began. "And maybe it didn't mean anything to you or it only meant bad things to you, but for me, it was some of the most significant interaction I've ever had with another human being. Not just the best sex, that doesn't even describe it, and not the strongest magic I've experienced either. Making love with you changed me, Frost. That doesn't mean you owe me anything. But it does mean I wish you could acknowledge it. And that you can't ask me to forget it."

There was a moment where it looked to Kyle like Frost was holding in tears. Where her face went completely still except for the way she breathed.

"Neither of us has been the same since," Kyle added hurriedly. "And I know... I know you want to go back to the way you were before. But I don't. I can't. I'm different now. Even if I never get to see you again or speak to you again, painful as that would be, I wouldn't trade it for going back. It's like I wasn't really alive until you. And I thank you for that. I wish... I just wish you could acknowledge that. That even if it was horrible, or nothing, to you, that it was something for me. You're always going to be important to me."

Frost sat back. "You have plenty of other lovers," she said. "Surely one will supersede me soon." "That's not what I'm saying." Kyle shook his head, though he had a feeling Frost was arguing for the sake of arguing. "You'll always be the one that changed me."

Who wouldn't fall in love with Kyle after that?

As far as the prophecy goes, I'm not sure how I expected that to play out. There were certainly a number of possibilities at the end of the third book and, as with all times when humans try to meddle with destiny, the actions of the characters led to the prophecy being fulfilled, not prevented. Master Brandish in particular surprised me in her hopes for preventing or altering the course of the prophecy. Every measure she or Dean Bell took ended up leading to the course of events Kyle experiences at Veritas which makes one wonder what would've happened had they not interfered.

Kyle's relationship with Alex has always fascinated me. We don't see as much of Alex in this book but, as with The Incubus and the Angel, his few appearances are important to Kyle's understanding of his personal path and the support of those around him. At times I feel like Alex is the voice of the author herself, telling Kyle everything he needs to know to reach his ultimate goal, while also allowing him to question the paths he could take and the very real possibility of failure.

I know I've been going on for a while, so I'm going to stop now. I just have to add that it's rare for me to read a book that I feel is perfect – in execution, characterization and story development. Everything from the setting to the interaction with secondary characters served to flesh out the story and merge this world seamlessly with our own. This is one of the small handful of books for which I cannot name a flaw. Every question I had was answered, the writing was fantastic and I felt this book was a satisfying and thrilling conclusion to a brilliantly written series. I know my bias is obvious here, but the first book in this series is the first I'd read from Cecilia Tan and the last assures that I will be a fan for life.

organized chaos

2011-09-27T10:39:00.003-04:00

My brain is a mass of things I want to do, things I need to do and things I must do to survive. Writing is on all of those lists. The good thing, I have a job that allows me enough free time that I can write if I'm not too distracted. The bad thing is, I am almost always distracted, tired or too frazzled too get anything done. And the ideas never stop coming.

I've revamped my personal To Do list several times over the past few weeks. It keeps getting longer. Good, because it means I haven't lost my ambition no matter how frustrated I get with my progress. But it sometimes makes me feel...overwhelmed? Yes, overwhelmed with all of the things I have planned for myself. I want to be one of those writers with a huge back catalog of books and shorts stories, a web coming, an ongoing web serial, five blogs, a dynamic website and a facebook page that gets updated several times a week. Basically, I want to be the me several years from now. I'm doing it in baby steps now and that's not always enough for me. I know the pressure to produce is about 75% internal and I'm trying to ease that and not focus on the 25% that makes me feel inadequate with what I do produce.

Today is the first step towards that. I am going to cut off my internet (I can hear the voices in my head screaming already) and try to do nothing but write for four hours. I haven't done that since...I can't even say when. It's been years. Too long. Long enough that I'm sure my muse is hiding in the back of her closet somewhere, nervous about me coming over and staring her down because she hasn't seen much of me lately. We don't have a confrontational relationship because I'm always afraid of scaring her off. After that incident where she didn't speak to me for seven months, I decided that fear was better than forcing her to work. She works for me, not the other way around! So, today she'll have to gather her minions and finish telling me the story we started in June. I want this sequel done. Yesterday. I will not take no for an answer.

Random Thoughts and Astroglide

2011-09-18T23:31:00.003-04:00

I just realized that, being accident-prone, it's probably best I should not keep that lovely brand new bottle of Astroglide right next to my bed. It will somehow end up in my laptop, on my copy of The Dream Dictionary from A to Z or perhaps floating in my melting strawberry daquiri.

Why, you ask, did I buy my first ever bottle of lube? Okay, even if you didn't ask, I answered in the form of a new blog post at Conversextion. Yes, I got off my lazy butt...er, okay, I sat on my slightly less lazy butt and put out a new post about how the internet has made me more adventurous. Actually, I think it's just made my inner freak seem like less of one, but potato-potahto.

What else have I been up to? Writing the sequel to Starting Over. Still looking for a title. And a cover. And possibly a dozen beta readers because I want to get this one perfect. The full novella will be available on a number of sites.

I've also been stressing out over all the nuances in Taking Advantage since I posted the first chapter in my critique group. It's amazing how listening to a couple of opinions can make me rethink damn near everything about a story. That can be a good or bad thing, depending on your perspective.

This week, I also rediscovered just how many submission calls I bookmarked on facebook. I really have to stop doing that. I keep putting unnecessary pressure on myself to produce more stories when I really need to finish the million and one ideas I already have stewing in the back of my head. (Which reminds me, I got a great short story idea this week. Now to find time to write it...)

I honestly don't know how other writers promote their work and still have time to produce like eight novels and seventeen short stories a year. When do these people sleep? Do they sleep? Are they hoarding the magic pills that enable them to sleep three weeks out of the year? I WANT IN!!!

last chance at this price

2011-09-08T12:07:00.000-04:00

Today is the last day to get Hooked at half price at All Romance Ebooks.

the voices in my head are shouting

2011-09-01T10:58:00.002-04:00

What a long, strange trip...back to the beginning. Or something. I don't know what's been going on lately. I'm either writing so fast, my muse sounds out of breath as she's shouting encouragement or I'm sending out a search party to look for her remains. Right now I think I'm somewhere in the middle. I've been debating a lot of things within the context of my writing and my career overall. One of the things on my two year To Do List is to promote myself in ways that's not just BUY MY BOOKS!!! everywhere I post. Because, let's face it, I don't enjoy the hard sell and most readers prefer to be talked to, not at. I'm trying to work on a few things that will let people get to know me as an individual, as well as a writer.

I'm now blogging at Conversextion.

I'm looking to do guest blogs elsewhere (though I haven't quite gotten that part together).

I'm up for interviews.

I'm trying to be more active on Goodreads, particulary in the M/M Romance Group.

I'm wondering what else I can do. Socially awkward in real life translates to social awkward networking online for me. So, how do I sell myself and my work in a way that I'm comfortable with that doesn't make me look like I'm trying too hard? Sound off in the comments if you've got some ideas.

Beyond all this, I'm still writing. That's the best thing to do no matter what, right?

"Hooked" review and sale

2011-09-01T10:50:00.003-04:00

All Romance Ebooks has all Ravenous Romance titles at half price - through September 8th. You can pick up my novel "Hooked" for 3.49.

"Hooked" was recently reviewed at MM Good Book Reviews. Reviewer Astrid said, "Hooked is an example of good story with a nice range of emotion, conflict and character development...Between the insightful dialogue and the internal mutterings of conscience the characters are realistic, honest and believable."

Visit the site to read the rest of the review.

How To Escape Perfectionism

2011-08-30T23:03:00.000-04:00

This article by Peter Bregman discusses how one can stop focusing so much on getting everything exactly right and just do it. As a professional worrier and detail freak, I found this article inspirational the first time I read it, but sometimes I still need to be reminded not to obsess over every detail as I write.

One of my favorite quotes that I think sums up the article is when he writes,

"Perfectionists have a hard time starting things and an even harder time finishing them. At the beginning, it's they who aren't ready. At the end, it's their product that's not. So either they don't start the screenplay or it sits in their drawer for ten years because they don't want to show it to anyone.

But the world doesn't reward perfection. It rewards productivity. And productivity can only be achieved through imperfection. Make a decision. Follow through. Learn from the outcome. Repeat over and over and over again. It's the scientific method of trial and error. Only by wading through the imperfect can we begin to achieve glimpses of the perfect."

That last is how I make myself get through a first draft. For those who haven't yet, it may be how you achieve the same.

first look at Taking Advantage

2011-08-24T12:28:00.004-04:00

It's been a little while since I've posted a work in progress quote, but today seems as good a time as any. This one is from Taking Advantage. This excerpt's a little lengthier than some of my other WIP excerpts, but I've got the first chapter finished, so why not? Leave a comment if you're feeling inspired.

Sam James pulled his black Lexus into the first empty space he saw and killed the engine. He slouched down in the soft leather seat and stared straight ahead at the brick wall. The night was fucked. He didn't have to check the incessant beep from the cell phone in his pocket to know his plans were blown. But he had to know why Chris was blowing him off for the third time in a week. Flipping open his phone, he dialed into his voicemail and sighed as the automated voice recited the date and time of the call. He frowned as Chris's breathless voice filled his ear.

“Hey, Sam, I'm so sorry, but I don't think I can make it tonight. I'm kind of in the middle of something.” There was a long pause, then muffled words before Chris continued. “Yeah, I just really can't tonight. But if you want to maybe do something really late, I might be up for dinner. Call me at this line.” Sam lost track of the garble of numbers his friend spat out before the voicemail cut him off. He thought about playing the message back, but he knew the gist without hearing it a second time.

In the middle of something. Chris had met someone somewhere between the front door of his corner apartment and the twenty minute drive to Prism. He was in the middle of his new friend, getting to know him in the biblical sense.

I might be up for dinner. Can't sleep over, but I intend to make the most of tonight. Will be hungry later from all of the energy expended.

The rest of the call may as well be sorry my personal life's more exciting than yours, better luck next time, getting me to spare you a few minutes.

It was just as well. Chris Tanner spent half his time being too involved in his myriad projects to even give a call back and the other half rescheduling his constant flow of admirers. Sam knew if he had convinced him to hang out, they would've spent the bulk of the night politely telling any guy who approached the table neither of them was available. Not that he'd been getting much interest since his last attempt at a relationship had dissolved. That little fact was probably why he was itching to get out of the house. All work and no play made Sam a dull boy. A dull, horny, cranky boy who needed attention from warm hands, a willing mouth and a tight ass, no complications on the side.

A sharp laugh drew his attention. Two boys crossed in front of his car dressed in skin hugging jeans and sleeveless t-shirts snug enough to show off every contour of their gym hardened bodies. They were boys. Neither of them looked old enough to even get into the club, let alone know what to do if a man approached them. One of them tossed a smile in his direction before they continued around the building's faded red brick corner and into the club.

What the hell was he doing? Cruising the club on a Sunday night, just as he had ten years ago, when he was finally old enough to get in without using that laughable fake ID. There had to be a point where a man his age could just dig out the black book, call an old number and say, “Hey, I got an itch and you scratch pretty well, from what I remember.” And yet, there was no one Sam could think of who he'd mind getting back into bed with, even if it was just for a convenient fuck. All of his exes seemed to come with reams of drama he had to shake off whenever he left their beds. Getting involved again — even temporarily — would involve the kind of energy he wasn't up to expending just to get his rocks off. Getting drunk and searching the club for an easy lay was the only game plan now that Chris had ditched him. He just wished he didn't feel like a lonely old man doing it.

new interview online

2011-08-15T12:18:00.003-04:00

I've got a new interview online at 1st Author Interviews about my novel "Hooked". Click here to check it out.

Special Delivery at All Romance Ebooks

2011-08-11T14:10:00.004-04:00

My short story, "Special Delivery" is now available at All Romance Ebooks. Visit the site or my website to read an excerpt.

Starting Over on All Romance Ebooks

2011-07-30T12:53:00.000-04:00

My new M/M short story "Starting Over" is available now from All Romance Ebooks. Best of all, it's FREE.

free story and contest

2011-07-23T10:45:00.002-04:00

It's contest time! My story for the Hot Summer Days story fest has been posted at Goodreads. As promised, I'm giving one reader $25 in Omnibucks for use at OmniLit or All Romance Ebooks. All you have to do is read my story Starting Over on Goodreads and answer a question about the story on my page on Facebook. I will do a random drawing from the correct answers and notify the winner. The contest will run until Monday at 12pm EST. Happy reading!

free short story

2011-07-18T10:20:00.003-04:00

My erotic short story Special Delivery is free at Smashwords through the 31st. You can read an excerpt at my website or on the Smashwords site.

Six Sentence Sunday - June 26th

2011-06-26T00:05:00.003-04:00

A little something from Hooked, inspired by the Six Sentence Sunday blog.

“What are you asking me?”

Do you taste as good as you look? Am I going to go insane because I can't stop thinking about you this way? If I tell you what I want, would that change things? Carlos took a deep breath. If Michael had never noticed it before, he had to have observed the way Carlos was looking at him now, as if every dirty, wonderful, mind-blowing erotic act two men could perform together was his for the asking.

a little teaser and contest news

2011-06-25T10:46:00.007-04:00

The Hot July Days stories were inspired by pictures and letters submitted by readers. The free stories will be posted throughout July (and maybe a little after). There will be 113 stories total, some from popular m/m writers, some from unpublished new voices and everyone in between. For my part, I decided to keep mine on the angsty romance side. Today, I'm posting a very short excerpt from my story and details of my contest.

For the contest: You'll have to be a member of Facebook, Goodreads and the M/M Romance group (18+) to read the story. I'll be posting a question about my story on my facebook page once the story is up. After the question is answered (I'll give it a couple of days), one name will be drawn. The winner will get $25 in Omnibucks to use at All Romance Ebooks or OmniLit.

Want a sample? Here are the picture and letter that inspired my story:

Dear Author,

Where is this guy? What’s he looking at, I wonder? And is that guy down the hall watching him with longing? Maybe he’s been too shy to make his move before now. Maybe he’s trying to build up his courage. So, what do you think? Can you help the shy little guy get his happy ending?

Thanks so much!

~Harper :)

____

Kurt sighed, then closed his eyes before falling back to float in the pool. He started when one of James's hands moved to cover his stomach and opened his eyes.

“Your energy should be focused here,” James said. He moved his hand down, until it grazed the top of Kurt's black swim trunks. “The only part of your body that should tense before you turn is the muscles here, when you take a breath.”

He held Kurt on the surface of the water, one hand at the small of his back, the other flat on his stomach as he described the best way to move his arms through the water. For his part, Kurt barely heard anything James said because his focus was centered on the other man's hands touching him. It was impersonal, downright clinical if Kurt was to be honest, but there was something to the way James held him that felt strangely intimate, as if every light touch on his body sent a small message to Kurt's mind that whispered all manner of confidences, none of which came close to the professional distance the team captain was displaying as he spoke.

In short, Kurt was beginning to lose his mind. Pushing James's hands away, he stood and took a few shaky steps back. James took no notice of his behavior as he continued his lecture.

free storygasm

2011-06-22T11:53:00.002-04:00

I finally finished my story for the Goodreads M/M anthology yesterday. If you haven't checked out the first one the M/M group did, please do. It was a great read. Keep your eye on this space. When my story is posted in the group, I'll be hosting a contest.

catching up

2011-06-08T11:17:00.003-04:00

I bit the bullet last night and sent the story off. I'm waiting for the OMGWhatwasIthinking?!Thisstorysucks!! part of my brain to kick in. After my caffeine wakes me completely, probably.

It's so weird. I haven't done a ton of writing the last few months, but I feel more accomplished - I've gotten a few things done that I'd been putting off for a while. I have a website (that I will be doing more with). I'm rewriting the older stories that I know can be improved. I've gotten brave enough to submit to a publisher I've been reading since I was six. Other things (like my next novel) to come.

Oh! Nook users, you can now find my free short story First Impression on the Barnes and Nobles website. It should be on other websites (like Amazon, etc) soon enough.

If any of you are in the mood, feel free to leave a rating and/or review for the story on Goodreads. If you don't want to download the story, you can read it on the Goodreads site. Just click on my profile.

Embrace the dork side

2011-05-17T16:53:00.002-04:00

I'm so proud of myself. I finally managed to figure out how to upload my self-pubbed books on Goodreads so my author page doesn't look lonely with just that one story on it. I know it's not a huge deal, but I'm technologically challenged, so it meant a lot to me.

Speaking of things that mean a lot, I'm participating in a great event for the M/M Romance group at Goodreads. I'm writing a story inspired by a photo and letter. If any of you read the (free!) Stuff My Stocking anthology, you know what great stories can come out of this event. Look for mine in July. I'll be sure to update with the exact date and link when my story is posted.

calculated insanity

2011-05-10T20:08:00.003-04:00

I might be going nuts. More so than usual.

I just finished another story. I'm debating sending it to Harlequin. I... pfft! I'm not sure I can articulate what that would mean to me. Harlequins were the first romance novels I read. I started when I was six, the same age I was when I started writing my own fiction, and I've devoured them in large numbers ever since. When I made my first serious attempt at writing a romance novel, I felt sure that would be the publishing house I sent it to. (And if I ever finish that one, I'll still want to send it to them. :-p) The enormity of what getting published by Harlequin means to me on a personal level is something I can't quite put into words except to say that my inner child would be doing an ongoing happy dance for weeks.

But...what if they reject it?

All right. They are longer the only romance publisher I read, and I've gotten pretty good and realizing not everyone will find my writing to their liking, but that doesn't mean I'll be able to handle a rejection from them with the same I'll-just-edit-and-resubmit attitude I would approach anyone else. The question is, am I brave enough to try? Am I ready?

I think I need to edit this story a dozen more times. Just to be sure.

free short story

2011-05-03T17:17:00.002-04:00

I've got a new free short story up on Smashwords. It's available in a variety of formats.

First Impression:

When Damon Carter locks eyes with this fan, instinct tells him there's more in store than a boring encounter with an eager groupie.

There's some mild erotic content, but it's otherwise safe for mature readers.

Overthink Syndrome

2011-04-21T16:03:00.004-04:00

I've been thinking too much. This kind of behavior kept me at the top of most of my classes throughout school and made me the teacher's pet for a number of years (never mind the flack I earned from my classmates), but it didn't really come back to bite me until I started writing. I've always been a somewhat detail oriented person. The main reason I love suspense novels and murder mysteries is because I like piecing together all of the small things that help the main character find out whodunit. On that same token, I like it when all the details about a character or story fall into place to create a person who feels real in the minds of the reader.

Now, I think I'm just driving myself crazy.

Maybe it's a pattern thing. I wrote a fanfiction story a while back that featured two main characters who were friends, began living together and eventually became lovers. My first (not self-pubbed) novel was, on a surface level, kind of about a similar thing. The stories really aren't that much alike, if for no other reason than one is a fantasy novel where the main character has never had any kind of sexual contact with another man, and I worked to make sure the stories were as dissimilar as possible because I hate the idea of repeating myself. Even if no one who read the first will read the second, I don't want to feel like I don't have any originality. Is that the case? I think I'm going to become paranoid that I'm writing the same story with different variations. Crap, maybe I am. But that can't be why I'm having trouble with my current unnamed future masterpiece, can it?

So, the start of the paranoia really came this morning. I got an idea (last week) for another novel that I think is going to be brilliant. When I read a post at Reviews by Jessewave, I started to wonder if people were turned off by my first book because there was some infidelity. Then I started to worry that writing another similiar story (with one person who is married) would seem like a repeat to those who read the first one, though the circumstances are quite different. I mean, should I make the cheater and his boyfriend not end up together just so it feels like a very different story or am I worried for nothing?

I don't want to get to the point where I'll only write "safe" stories that I know people will read, but what if I am setting myself up to not have a following? It's not the money from book sales that I'm worried about (though having that guaranteed would be nice), it's being read. Being thought of as a good, or at least decent, writer. It's feeling secure that people who read my stories know they're in for something with well-developed characters and an interesting (read: not recycled) plot.

So, how do I get my muse to cooperate? One of the things I've learned from years of writing fanfiction is that two writers can have the same characters and basic scenario and write two vastly different stories. But is that basic idea acceptable if the stories in question are from the same writer? Or is the perception of all stories feeling as "fresh" as possible worth all of this worrying?

new short story!

2011-03-24T12:15:00.004-04:00

I have a new erotic short story available on Smashwords. Special Delivery is the story of a woman who gets a very special package from her handsome delivery man. Click on the cover to check it out.

a little stripped off the top

2011-03-17T21:31:00.001-04:00

There's a 25% rebate on all Ravenous Romance titles at All Romance Ebooks from the 15th until the end of this month. If you've been debating a purchase of my book, it's a part of the sale as well.

art imitating life

2011-03-11T11:12:00.003-05:00

It's strange. I've spent weeks worrying about the plot of my next book - is it plausible? predictable? too convenient? - and now I'm sure that it is none of those things. Or, maybe it is and that doesn't matter anymore. Now I'm laughing at how worried I was. I mean, how many romance novels feature otherwise implausible plots? The fun thing about this one is, I read in someone's blog the other day that something pretty damn close to what I'm planning to write happened to her. I don't read this blog very often, so that was good timing, yes? Divine intervention so I can get this thing going, right? Right now, I'll take all the motivation I can get.

losing what's left of my mind

2011-03-10T14:26:00.002-05:00

All right. I think I seriously need to get over this respiratory infection/cough from hell thing I've got going. I had another weird dream this morning. This one had some random gender switching, a weirdly erotic bedroom scene and something about lube. I don't want to go to any more detail, because I'm honestly scared that my muse and my subconscious are working against me. My muse can't torture me with (too many) weird story ideas when I'm not sick. Please, let me get better soon!

In other news, Goodreads might relax their little email/notification policy. Yay.

Oddness

2011-03-08T10:43:00.001-05:00

This morning I had a dream about someone else's characters doing things they didn't do in the books. I don't know if this means I should write a story about them or if I should stop eating strange things before bed. Hm. At least it's a story idea.

scrambled

2011-03-07T11:46:00.002-05:00

I don't know if I'm putting too much pressure on myself or what, but I've been having the hardest time writing lately. With everything else going on, this is not something I need. I don't know how to get out of it either. When this happens to other people, I have advice for days on how they can write their way out of a rut, but I haven't the first clue what I should do about my own.

I think I need a vacation. I've tried all of the inappropriate things like having a drink (or two) to relax, eating foods that are quite far away from my diet recommendations, reading more (which I've been slacking off of lately). None of it is helping. All right, maybe the reading is helping a little, but not enough to get me to finish the stack of unfinished shorts waiting for me or to help me finish the unfinished chapter in my current masterpiece.

Someone help! Figure out a way to get the story ideas out of my brain and onto paper before I drive myself crazy worrying why it's not happening. I'll bake you a cookie cake?

preemptive punishment

2011-03-07T10:16:00.003-05:00

Apparently, there's an issue at Goodreads with Authors Behaving Badly. No surprise, since it's the internet and that's what happens. People don't always respond maturely to a given situation, no how many rules you tell them they have to agree to in order to interact on a site. Goodreads solution was to attach a warning to every author email (even those we exchange with people on our friends lists) and give a huge popup every time we look at one of our reviews.
I'd like to know what practical purpose this serves. I've been told that reviewers should feel "safe" leaving their opinion without thinking an author is going to respond. Well, that could happen anyway. They can read anything on the internet. They can respond to that person, on their blog or website, to their therapist. I don't understand the idea that readers can't be honest if they know the person who wrote the story might have an opinion they'd like to share. Isn't that the whole point of a social site, to interact with people? Is a reader's opinion so delicate, they can't take it if someone responds to or challenges something they've stated? I kind of like the idea that if someone leaves me a compliment I can thank them, or if they misstate something that happened in my story, I have the ability to leave a comment so potential readers don't get the wrong impression. What if they have a question about a story that caused them to give it a low rating? An answer from the person who wrote the story could easily resolve the situation. Starting a dialogue about a story is important and, before this past weekend, was encouraged by Goodreads as a way to engage readers. Now we're being left with the impression that we must always be on our best behavior or the site will spank us without mercy.

Well, thanks. I've always wanted to feel like my involvement is far less important than anyone else's. I get that the site is primarily geared towards readers sharing their love of books and recommending stories to others, but this new warning system is making it seem as if all authors are potential problem children, laying in wait so we can attack the next innocent soul who dares to have an opinion. We're readers as well. We're people who can be just as easily bruised by attacks thrown at us or our work. I think it's only fair that we be allowed to engage other users without the presumption that we're going to harrass them in some way. We should be able to defend ourselves and our work without the assumption that anything we say is liable to be an attack. Any new reader to the site would see these warnings and assume writers there were a real problem. According to what I've read, the ones who have caused problems are a small minority. So why are we all being treated like this for the sake of a handful of immature people?

I hope Goodreads gets this situation resolved soon. I can't imagine what a turnoff it's going to be to readers and authors alike who feel like their interaction is always going to be a stilted, sanitized conversation - lest someone hit that flag button for some imagined slight.

Life sucks (and not in a life-affirming way)

2011-03-01T21:35:00.002-05:00

This sucks. There is something going on right now and I feel like I can't talk about it. I can't even use writing as therapy because I feel too stressed to write anything. I think anything I attempt to write will suffer as a reflection of my mood and have to be rewritten.

Why can't things ever going according to plan? I mean, some things do. Then one stupid thing happens (or doesn't happen) and it feels like everything has gone to shit and all that effort was for nothing. All that hope comes down to sitting in a room, in front of a computer screen, resisting the urge to be honest.

I hope this doesn't continue for much longer. I have enough distractions and tension in my life without someone adding to it through their carelessness.

So, that's my lovely night. Anyone else?

sticky and sweet

2011-02-23T10:26:00.003-05:00

I'm working on some short stories right now. I would be working on the book I mentioned a while ago, but the muse has decided to be stubborn about a future plot point I disagree with. Until I beat her into submission, we're not working on that one.

I'm kind of excited about this one short where the main character owns a bakery. It means I can make all kinds of inappropriate references to cream filling and licking cream and putting things in a hot oven. Hm. Maybe that's only hot to dessert addicts. Oh well. It's a light, fun kind of piece.

Speaking of light fun, I also have a short story that's looking for a home. It's rather light on the romance and heavy on the erotic, so I'm not quite sure where it'll end up, but I'll figure something out soon.

online stalking request

2011-02-22T19:18:00.002-05:00

Now you can find me at Goodreads. Stop by and take a look at my (increasingly crowded) bookshelf and reviews.

reality can be better than dreams

2011-02-19T14:33:00.002-05:00

This week I've probably said, "Holy crap! People are buying my book!" at least a dozen times. Really. Today it's number two on my publisher's best seller's list - second only to a free short story (which you should definitely check out). I just wanted to say THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who bought my book this week. Even my muse is responding well. She's actually been talking to me the past couple of days, so maybe I'll have a few short stories out soon.

In the meantime, I added this nifty little social network thingy to the website, so you can tweet and update your status and other stuff without leaving the site. I'm debating adding a chat feature, either to the toolbar or directly on a page in the site. I'll decide on that later.

Again, thanks to everyone who bought my book. You have no idea what a gift it is to be read.

Links and an excerpt

2011-02-15T12:36:00.003-05:00

Another beautiful day in this writer's world. Today I'm sharing links where you can buy Hooked at the vendor of your choice. You can purchase the book at Ravenous Romance, Amazon, Barnes and Noble or All Romance Ebooks.

To whet your appetite, here's an excerpt from Chapter 1:

“You know you have to do better, Mr. Valendez,” Dr. William Hauser said. The professor looked over the top of his round glasses at Carlos. He frowned and his light blue eyes narrowed; a line appeared in the middle of his forehead when the student didn't immediately respond.

If Carlos had a nickel for every time a teacher had said that to him, he wouldn't have had to apply for a half-dozen scholarships to attend New York University. As it was, he was starting to wonder if almost three years of work was going to feel like wasted time and money if he flunked out his junior year. He could hear his mother now. First Maria would express anger, then she would settle for the long-term guilt-trip effect, not so subtly reminding him that he had to set a good example for Luiz and Marc. His brothers looked up to him for almost everything, but even they had to understand that the pressures of trying to be a student and a professional boxer while living up to their mother's expectations was a lot to ask of any man.

“I know I have to focus a little more,” Carlos said after a moment. “I'll pick up my grades with the next quiz.”

“Yes, focus,” the professor said. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his considerable belly. The chair squeaked and the wheels rolled a few inches before settling beneath his weight. “You are quite focused on something, but I doubt it is the correlation between the rise in production costs and market saturation with lower-quality products.”

Carlos frowned. “I know what you're thinking—”

“I understand that you're ambitious,” Dr. Hauser continued as if Carlos hadn't spoken. “I see nothing wrong with an athlete, especially one with your talent, doing everything he can to get ahead. Getting your degree is a smart move. Training this hard during the school year must take a toll on you.”

“I can handle it,” Carlos said quickly. “I've been doing fine so far.”

“You've been falling asleep in class,” Hauser corrected. The crease in his brow deepened. He gestured to the paper half-crumpled in Carlos's hand. “This isn't the first test you've struggled with. I would venture a guess that you're not maintaining an ‘A’ average in your other classes, either.”

Carlos sighed. If there was ever a time for honesty, being slapped in the face with the truth after failing a test was as good a time as any. Still, this was his first slip in this class. A little sympathy wouldn't kill the old man. “You're right. Everything hasn't been going perfectly lately, but I can pick it up.”

“I know you can,” Hauser said. His tone changed. “You've done this in other classes. A lot of extra credit got you to the top of your Introduction to Marketing class, from what I hear.”

Spying on me? Carlos frowned. This was sounding less like a concerned professor and more like an intervention every minute. “I did well in that class, for the most part. The extra credit just—”

“Just gave you the top grade in the class when you hadn't come close to deserving it before,” Hauser finished for him.

This was taking things too far. A couple of extra assignments would no more have saved a struggling grade in that class than in the economics class that had inspired this lecture. Though he was irritated, Carlos knew losing his temper would not gain him any favor with the professor. It would probably earn him even less sympathy for the next test, unfortunately scheduled a couple of days before his next match. Given a choice between an extra two hours in the gym and going over principles of distribution, Carlos always knew what his first choice would be. But Dr. Hauser didn't have to know that.

“Dr. Hauser, I know it doesn't seem like it, but your class is quite important to me,” Carlos began. “To a lot of people, I might just seem like an athlete only going to school because I have scholarships, but I know a teacher of your caliber would never dismiss a student that way. I will try harder to bring myself up to your standards, even if it means spending more time with the brilliant textbook you wrote than with the heavy bag.” Carlos flashed a smile that had gotten him more personal favors than any number of pretty words. He waited until the professor's expression had softened a bit before he dropped his smile. “If you'll excuse me, I have to leave. I'm late for a study group meeting.”

Without waiting for Hauser to start in on him again, Carlos turned on his heel and walked out quickly, hoping that little bit of ass kissing would keep the pompous jerk off his back for a few weeks. Knowing the professor's reputation, that hope was probably in vain, but it seemed like wishing for the best was all Carlos had going lately. He left Dr. Hauser's office and was out on the street and strolling towards his dorm in minutes, jacket hood up and head down against the strong late winter wind.

School wasn't supposed to be like this. Originally, he'd gone to placate his mother and ensure he had a backup plan until he made headway with his real life, his passion: boxing. Carlos had needed a platform to launch his career and a decent school in New York City was a reasonable enough place for that. He'd mumbled something about a liberal arts degree to his guidance counselor when asked, but there had been nothing more to the plan than get to New York, find a decent trainer and get his professional career going as soon as possible. Somewhere along the line, the dream of owning a gym where he could train fighters in his own style had forced Carlos to take the business management major seriously. He needed something more than a pretty face and quick fists to make it for the long haul, and NYU was the perfect place to accomplish his objectives.

Complications in his junior year were threatening to turn everything on its head. He'd cruised through the first two years of school—none of his professors had doubted he'd earned his academic scholarships—but he'd been falling short every few weeks since starting his major coursework and moving to a new dorm. There were two reasons for this change. First, the difficulty of his classes had increased threefold. Spending time in the gym had always taken priority and that continued dedication forced Carlos to play catch-up every few weeks. It was wreaking havoc on his training schedule and had earned more than one lecture from concerned professors.

The second reason, he was reluctant to admit to himself, was Michael.

Carlos waved to a group of students before jumping onto the elevator and punching the number for his floor. It was silly. He knew it. He'd even let Jamie tease him before he made her swear she'd stop talking about it. The fact that he was crushing on anyone was downright ridiculous. It made him feel like a high school girl, flustered and easily embarrassed and on the verge of doing something reckless. But there was more to it than thinking his roommate was funny and sexy and beautiful to look at it. There was something about Michael Dwyer that turned Carlos's normally smooth demeanor into a struggle for composure. What had started as merely admiring the other man's looks had become a major problem. Having a roommate who could get him hard just by walking into a room was a distraction Carlos had never thought he'd struggle with.

The most frustrating part was that for all his smooth talk and good looks, Carlos knew he'd never get anywhere with Michael. He was straight, and anyone who blushed that easily at the mere mention of sex had probably never considered experimenting. But that was what college was for, right? If he could convince Michael of that, he'd be able to get this craving out of his system and go back to normal. They could sleep together, or even just kiss, and the infatuation would disappear. Right, Carlos thought as he entered their shared room. I'm living in a fantasy world if I think things would only get easier from there. A small taste would never be enough.

There was something to be said for fantasies. Most of the time all Carlos needed was the image of a man with beautiful eyes and full lips that wrapped tight around his dick to whip one out just before falling to sleep at night. Other times he went full out, imagining a whispered conversation, tentative touches from work-roughened skin, the catch of breath as he returned the teasing with feather-soft touches and a slow and thorough tasting.

Then there was Michael. His roommate inspired some of the most vivid fantasies Carlos could remember—the kind of things the regular chatters at Down and Dirty dot com would drool over. Unfortunately, fantasies were all they could be. Carlos wasn't foolhardy enough to try to seduce the other man. Michael would be no more interested in Carlos than he was in that waitress at Striker's who smiled and wiggled her ass in his direction every time he came in. A pity, that. Carlos could show Michael things that little blonde he was seeing had only read about in magazines—and make him beg for seconds in a voice he wouldn't recognize as his own.

So far, his fantasies hadn't gotten him further than satisfying himself on a regular basis, but Carlos couldn't help nursing the smallest hope that things could change one day. As often as he'd proven the strength of his various charms, he was sure he could get Michael to see things his way. At least, if the other man was drunk enough, he might be suggestible.

Right. Mr. I'm in Training rarely broke away from his rabbit food and protein shakes long enough to make himself vulnerable. Not that he'd want him at anything less than his full faculties, anyway. Michael had to want it. He had to eat, breathe, sleep, scream, and shiver with his craving to have Carlos buried inside him. That was the real fantasy. That Carlos, however charming and attractive, could make this elusive straight man beg for him. However farfetched, he couldn't let go of the idea.

They'd been living together for six months now and it had gotten to the point where pretending not to watch Michael strip down for bed was becoming an exercise in self-control. An exercise that usually culminated in Carlos taking late-night showers where he imagined Michael at his mercy.

First, he pictured the other man's lips pressed against his—soft, then near bruising as adrenaline brought their excitement to fever pitch. Lips and tongues met, hands slid over and gripped slippery skin. Michael was always the submissive partner, begging to be taken against the shower wall, moaning incoherently when Carlos asked him how hard, how deep, how much more he could take before he fell over the edge. Then he did, crying out in passion, from weakness, shaken from the knowledge that only Carlos could make him feel as if he were coming apart and complete all at the same time. Carlos always bit his bottom lip and shivered hard as he came soon after, wishing the rivulets of hot water running over his skin were instead the soft touch of a lover he couldn't get close to. It was no wonder he was losing sleep. With these thoughts always on the edge of his consciousness, it was a miracle Carlos could function around him at all.

“Whatever it is, it can't be that bad.”

Carlos jumped as Michael walked further into the room. He pushed the door closed behind himself, cutting off the noise of the other students' chatter and laughter. Carlos had never been so grateful for the dim light from that energy-saving bulb the hall managers insisted they use. As usual when he thought about Michael in private, his hand had traveled south and his erection was throbbing. With the desk lamp pointed at an angle, Carlos hoped Michael wouldn't notice the way he was stretching the soft cotton of his pants.

“You all right?” Michael asked. “You look like someone kicked your puppy. Don't tell me the Boxing Commission rejected your fight application.” His back was to his roommate. He was bending over in front of his bed, searching for something inside his footlocker.

Carlos blinked hard and forced himself to look away. If anything was going to get him into trouble, it was staring and drooling every time they were in a room together. He looked down instead, and instantly wondered when his half of their room had begun to look like his hamper had taken a dump on the floor. Mike's section was as neat as always, everything tucked, folded, or put away as tight and orderly as his own appearance. It was charming in its own way. But there was something about his put-together appearance that made Carlos want to ruffle his spiky blond hair and disturb that controlled exterior with a toe-curling kiss, and maybe a little more to follow. Smiling at the image that conjured, he cleared his throat.

“No, haven't heard back from them yet. I'm....”

I'm so horny I could come just looking at you.

“A little tense. I screwed up that econ test on Monday. Hauser had me in his office for a lecture after he gave them back.”

“Damn. Sorry, man.” Michael stood. White, even teeth flashed in a brief smile of commiseration. “If you're still having trouble before the next one, let me know. I did all right in that class. I'd be happy to help you study.”

“That would be great.” What would be great is if I could open my mouth and talk to him like a normal person. This is pathetic. Frowning, Carlos crossed his legs at the knee and leaned forward in the chair, hoping to obscure his predicament.

One of Michael's eyebrows lifted in question as he turned. “You do sound out of it. Maybe you should hit the gym. You're dressed for it,” he said, gesturing to the cotton sweatpants and light shirt he'd worn to jog to class.

Carlos nodded. “Yeah, I was thinking about going for a run. It'll help me get some of this tension out.” Assuming I can run with my dick hard enough to drill a hole through six feet of concrete. At least it'll get me out of this room.

“I'll see you later, then,” Michael said. He held up the book he'd been searching for. “Gotta get this back to the library before they put my midterm grades on hold. I'll probably take Zoe out somewhere after, so you'll have the place to yourself for most of the night.”

Carlos nodded. He didn't realize he'd stopped breathing until Michael had left the room and his strained lungs had finally relaxed. A run sounded like a great idea. Straight to the sports bar two miles from their building. If this tension wouldn't go away on its own, a little help from a friendly stranger would be a welcome distraction.

Twenty minutes later, Carlos walked into Striker's. Several college basketball games blasted from the various flat-screen TVs around the room. Noise filled the large space, allowing Carlos to make his way to the bar without being disturbed by the few patrons riveted by the start of the action. The post-work crowd was thin, but it would only be a matter of hours before the place was filled with tourists, students, and uptight men in suits who wouldn't dare return his interest in front of their colleagues. If he was going to find someone, he had better do it soon. He was only at the bar a minute when a brush against his elbow got his attention. The touch had been deliberate, but not offensive. Just enough to get him to turn to the man on his left.

The man let his gaze drift down, measuring; a small smile tilted his lips at the corners. He wasn't quite as tall as Carlos would have liked. His hair was a little too dark, dirty blond instead of the golden wheat featured in his current fantasies. And his blue-gray eyes weren't the same honey brown as Michael's eyes. But he was here. He was willing. He would do.

Release Day

2011-02-14T10:44:00.003-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day. *happy dance* My book is out today! If you're interested, please click on the cover to purchase it from Ravenous Romance.

spreading love

2011-02-08T19:55:00.003-05:00

Don't mind me, I'm always scatterbrained.

So, I forgot to mention in my last post: I got a new domain.

Visit sarawinters.net.

At some point I hope to do interesting things like hold contests and give away stuff (I'll think of what later), but first I just want to get some of my free short stories that have disappeared from the net back online. If you click on the free section, you'll just see one story right now. Sorry, it's one of my non-erotic works. But if you're into some light spiritual reading, the story is available from lulu.com as a pdf and directly from my website as an epub file. When I figure out how to fix the page at lulu (or just work around them), I'll upload Plaything as an epub for anyone in the market for it.

In the meantime, you may content yourselves with gazing lovingly at my bookcover one post down. I'm thinking about doing postcards or bookmarks of it. Anyone want one?

hey there, sexy

2011-02-05T13:56:00.003-05:00

Now, I'm excited. The final edit is done on the book and I got my cover!

Now I just need a release date.

Check out the blurb for the book:

Carlos Valendez has everything under control: his boxing career, his academic life and the string of men who never manage to encourage more than a passing interest. When his friend Michael Dywer moves into his dorm room, he never imagines how easily any of that could change.

Michael is a distraction. A sexy, bewildering temptation who entices Carlos with the briefest of looks but refuses to act on, or even acknowledge the tension between them. When Michael hints that his fantasies have the potential to be more, Carlos finds his priorities shifting to accomodate the unexpected complications of exploring a relationship he never knew he wanted and can't easily control.

Revamped Priorities

2011-01-27T13:05:00.004-05:00

Funny how time changes perspective. I was telling someone the other day that I'd made myself a two year To-Do list - things I wanted to accomplish. I felt like writing it all down and posting it on the wall within view of my computer would be a good motivator. The results?

From May until now I have accomplished one thing on my list: submitting to a publisher. Getting published is also on the list, and I'll be able to check that off soon. As well as designing a website. Eight of the fifteen items on the list are completing incomplete stories, few of which I've touched while I was working on my recently completed novel. Two of the things on the list require money I don't have. Two are no longer of much importance to me.

I think it's time for me to compose a new list. At the top? Update my blogs on a schedule. Maybe. I think I'll have enough on my plate with all of those unfinished stories. :-p

untitled mindfuckery post

2011-01-20T16:42:00.004-05:00

I'm going nuts. Which is to say, same shit, different day. I know things are bad when I can't even come up with a title for a blog post.

Maybe this is the usual prepub anxiety and I'm just getting my first taste of it. This will be the first story I have available where the majority of what's happening is not in my hands. I'm not designing the book cover, sending it out to reviewers, doing the final edit or deciding when it's going to be in the hands and on the computers of readers. I'm not sure I can take not being in control. (Screw that silly astronomical analysis from the other day, I am so a Leo.)

I think part of it is feeling like I'm not in full control of my half of the getting published process. I am, but I'm not. I've signed a contract, so there are things I'm obligated to do. And there are things I have to wait on from the other end. Right now, I'm waiting to hear back from an editor about what, if any, line edits need to be signed off on (I'm sure this sentence could do with some editing). I haven't heard from her in about two weeks, so I'm freaking out about that. I'm waiting to see my book cover. I know they know what I'd like to see, but I'm curious what the art department comes up with based on the (probably too vague) description I gave them.

It just feels like everything is happening too quickly. Two months ago I was beating myself up for not finishing the book fast enough. Now, emailless, I'm wondering if my editor has forgotten I exist. I'm probably worrying for nothing. She has a life. Other books/writers/life things to worry about. The date I heard about the book being released may not even be set in stone, so my concern about having time to look over changes could be based on nothing more than nerves about how the book will be received. I can't help worrying.

Adding to my general worrying: I broke the power cord for my laptop last week. So I've had to trek to the library or sneak on the computer at work in order to not feel cut off from the world. Plus, before that I was having trouble working on my new book. Then, no machine to type on! This wasn't an issue until a few days ago when I felt like writing something and my brain started to hurt at the thought of going long-hand. I type 90 wpm, writing a story the long way is not appealing unless I'm truly stuck. Now that I've got my laptop back to working order? Have barely written a sentence outside of a few posts online, a couple of comments on twitter and this blog post. Yay me?

I think part of the issue with this new story is being unsure of the storyline. I keep thinking the way things come together in chapter two is too convenient for the main characters - like, it would never happen that way in real life (or there's a reaaaaaaaally small chance of it) and readers would have to suspend their belief in this series of events to continue the story. Or does it matter? If the book is good enough, will the barely believable premise be a nonissue? I hope so. I like the way I've set up the beginning of the book, I just have to make the second chapter work so I feel comfortable continuing. On the plus side, my reader Suzanne says the first chapter is "hot." So much that she said it four times. Heh. Always a good thing. Now I just need a title (and maybe a little more of a plot) and I'll be good to go.

Oh, and a book cover, final edit and contact so I don't feel like I'm going crazy alone would be nice as well. ;-)

I swear, I'm not as down about this process as I might sound. I've been driving myself crazy about this book for a while now and I needed to vent. I'm excited and just want to see the book out already.

coming to a website near you...

2011-01-03T08:50:00.003-05:00

Now we've come to the update portion of our program.

First off, I may have been worried for nothing. Well, no, that's not true. It's just that nothing is as bad as I thought. This is one of the side effects of living with a pessimist. What am I babbling about?

My book is going to be published!

I feel lucky right now. Someone said to me it's due to hard work (and she's right), but I feel like if I wasn't in the right place and time or if I'd finished school or done half a dozen other things differently, this story wouldn't have been written, submitted to this publisher, read by this editor and I wouldn't have been offered a contract. What's especially scary is that the editor left me a voicemail I didn't get until a week later; I was scared she might have changed her mind by the time I called her back. :-p Instead, she tells me she loves my book and I spent an entire double shift at work grinning like an idiot.

Now I'm just waiting on a contract, copy edits, a cover and release date. Never thought I'd type that sentence, not this soon. I feel weird about it. I expected at least one rejection. Not that I'm saying my writing's bad, but almost like the entire journey should've been a little bit harder and having my first submitted novel published feels like I'm jumping ahead in line. Of course, I've been writing since I was six and doing it seriously since 2001, so maybe I'm just feeling weird because it's finally happening.

And soon I'll be able to scratch something else off my two year To Do List. The first thing I scratched off was "submit to a publisher," the second will be "get published." I know, complicated, right? The third should be "get my website up and running." I found a server the other day. Now I just have to get my pennies together (the laptop will wait again) and pay for five years of hosting in advance. Plus, I should probably have some content. A video of me dancing in front of my camera while I reenact finding out I'm going to be published probably shouldn't be the only thing there. ;-) Anyone got ideas?

here goes nothing - or everything

2010-12-16T14:15:00.002-05:00

That sound you hear? The thudding of my heart. I just sent my book off. Do I panic about how much it sucks now or should I wait at least a week?

At least I have the new project to distract me. Now it needs a title - all addictions must have a name, right?

production

2010-12-14T22:04:00.002-05:00

Something must be in the water because that new story I talked about before? I'm almost finished with chapter 1. I almost never write almost 3,000 words in a day anymore, but today is special. I hope I can keep it up because I'm in love with these characters already.

On that other front, I'm just waiting on feedback from my (very busy!) friend before I bite the bullet and send Hooked off to a publisher. And then I'll cross my fingers and try not to worry myself to death until I hear back from them (probably in March). At least I have a new project to keep me occupied/motivated until I hear the fate of my other story.

sizzle

2010-12-06T22:48:00.003-05:00

Well, color me surprised. There I was, bitching about how I couldn't finish the damn book (been working on the same two scenes for two weeks) and then BOOM! my muse decided she wanted to finish the book. Around 3:45 this morning, my masterpiece came to an end. After a couple of hours of rereading, I've already edited through the first third of chapter two. That puts me...about six months behind schedule. :-p No, I didn't expect it to take this long, but I know I've got it all right.

And that sex scene I was worried I was getting all wrong? Possibly the hottest thing I've ever written. I don't know if it's the Wonka Chocolate Waterfall bars I was popping all night or because my muse was bored with torturing me, but it's finally DONE. And I (mostly) love it. And the editing is going so well I want to pinch myself. Or, just finish and get it sent somewhere. I'm so excited I can't wait for people to read it. I have to stop myself from self-publishing just so I can get it into people's hands.

Plus! (yes, there is a plus) I have the idea for my next one already. Good December? Why, yes.

calculated insecurity

2010-12-05T21:35:00.005-05:00

Fuck. The book I'm reading is the one I thought I was writing. No, really. The original short story concept that I was supposed to be turning into a novel is already a book. The basic premises of our stories is the same. I know it's a romance and there's nothing new under the sun, but some of it is kind of specific. It's freaky. Either I'm picking up brainwaves from other writers or I wasn't meant to write that story.

I'm so glad I decided to change the premise a bit before expanding it into a novel. Lord knows I could easily be accused of plagiarism, though I had the idea in May and didn't start reading this book until last week. It's not like I could prove I hadn't read the other book before writing mine. And now that I'm 75% of the way through it? I have so much more writing to do.

Not to make mine more like this one. Not story-wise. I feel like the story doesn't POP the way I want it to. What do I mean?

Picture this:

A peach, just big enough to cradle in your palm. The texture of the skin is soft, smooth, yielding at the slightest touch. It's so ripe the smell hits your nose before you can lift it close. It's sharp and pungent, inviting. The first bite allows juice to burst into your mouth, flooding it with sweetness as tender flesh tumbles over your questing tongue. Juice dribbles down your chin and over your hand, leaving a sticky trail.

Or this:

You're holding a relatively large peach. It smells sweet and ripe. It's soft. When you bite into it, it's juicy and falls apart in your hand.

See, here's my issue. That first paragraph is what all the description in my story should be like. The second paragraph is what most of it is currently like. Fine, because this is a first draft. But coming across a book that is strikingly similar to my original idea (or, my unoriginal, beginning premise before I changed it), but written so well I'm almost jealous and can barely put it down, makes me realize how much work I'm going to have to do to get my story to where I want it to be when I submit it. That's my little neurotic worry for today. And the rest of this month until I can finish this last chapter and get my baby into second draft overhaul mode.

awaiting climax

2010-11-30T15:14:00.004-05:00

Oh, so tired.

I think I'm just being silly now. I want it to be perfect so badly, I've written this scene in my head three times. The ending of the book keeps changing. And every time I try to write it, I think of more I want to change. I suppose I just don't like writing the end. Or the beginning, for that matter. I know I can get all the ups and down and in betweens perfect, it's just hooking people from the start and leaving them satisfied at the end that gives me issues. And I'm never sure I've done just that for the majority of readers.

I know, I should write for me. But me isn't sure it's perfect either, so now what?

Eh. I've called someone to ~~come~~ uh...help inspire me. Right. Inspire. Perhaps I'll be so relaxed, I'll be able to write further on the new book I've got on the back burner after I finish this one. One can only hope.

hard times

2010-11-18T20:08:00.004-05:00

So sex and romance and love and changing the world with our Very Special Connection and...all right. Here's the deal. The past few days I've been trying to do something different with my main characters. In a few books I've read (most recently, The Tower and the Tears and Collision Course), there comes a moment when the reader can actually perceive a marked change in the interaction (feelings) between the two characters. Sometimes it's small - a relaxing of boundaries, perhaps - or sometimes it's the moment one or both characters fall in love. It's not often that it can be pinpointed to one exact moment, even more rare that this moment can be written into a sex scene, so doing it well is of concern for me. Basically, I'm trying to show a change between when the characters are having sex merely to spend their lust and doing so as an expression of their love.

Yes, it sounds cheesy. No, it does not have to be written that way. But tell that to my muse.

I've rewritten parts of this scene so many times I've lost count. Not that thinking about two sexy guys sharing hot, sweaty manlove is a laborious task, but I'd like to finish the chapter (last of the book) already. I wish I had some gay male friends who could read it for me and tell me if what I have is too cheesy or right on target. Right now I'm trying to determine that alone and I don't know if I'm being too hard on myself or if my instincts are correct and I need to keep plugging away at it.

Dang it. Maybe writing out my concerns here will help me sort it out in my head and on paper. Certainly, ignoring my blog isn't helping resolve the issue.

fantasies

2010-10-25T13:04:00.001-04:00

I'm not sure what has me more interested, the hot picture or the post I've read three times. New post over at Spanktastic.

Spanktastik!

2010-10-21T15:38:00.003-04:00

A few weeks ago, I met Naughty Girl M at a...let's call it a place where individuals with the same goals can make things happen. Fast forward in time, my girl tells me she wants to go to these three S&M clubs in Atlanta. Mostly to get spanked, but she's looking forward to other types of fun as well. Because I'm adventurous, I promised to help by sending people to her blog. If you can spare a dollar (or any other amount), please do so. Or leave a comment, send other people the link, or recommend what you'd like to see posted. She's promised to post stories (real and fiction), pictures, videos - whatever gets the good parts tingly. Come visit?

Spanktastik

the untold story

2010-10-14T00:16:00.002-04:00

As a writer, there's some things I'm not supposed to say.

I can't talk about how hard it is to get an idea and follow it from first draft to publication because it makes me seem like a whiner. I'm not supposed to talk about the struggle to have a balance between sweet and sexy, story and character because this thing should look like effortless magic. I shouldn't discuss the difficulty with producing a story of any length because other people can do it in weeks or even days without the slightest issue with regards to content.

I can't doubt myself. I can't doubt my characters. I can't doubt my ability to tell a story, this story, better than the next person with a similar idea.

Well, I can. I just shouldn't tell anyone.

That kind of thinking makes it hard for me to write this blog. Not all of my posts are positive, I am well aware of this. But as a somewhat beginning writer, I feel more anxiety and doubt about my writing than rainbows and sunshine. My posts reflect that. I want this blog to be honest about my writing process, which is different from everyone else's.

I have trouble focusing on one thing at a time, so I end up writing half a dozen or more stories at once. (This makes NaNoWriMo like a version of hell every year.) I am constantly checking and rewriting pieces of my story out of sequence because I'm obsessed with details. I can't finish anything longer than 5,000ish words without rewriting half of it before I get to the end. In my WIP, my concerns are those I have with every romance novel: Are the characters realistic? Does there feel like a real transition from friends to lovers to in love? Does the story drag? Is there enough description? Am I fooling myself that any or all of this is good (because I can't believe I've wasted this much effort on drivel)?

This is what goes on in the back (and sometimes the front) of my head with every scene, every chapter. It's why I'm sometimes paralyzed to the point of leaving a paragraph at the end of a chapter unfinished for days or weeks. It all has to meet my standards or none of it is worth anything. I sometimes hate that about myself. I'd actually promised myself a few weeks ago that I wouldn't get quite so...me about the one I'm writing now. But I can't help it. I always feel like my entire career hinges on the next one being perfect. As work standards go, it's nothing to sneeze at. I just hate that I sometimes feel like I'm getting in my own way.

a writer's paranoid checklist

2010-09-30T14:22:00.006-04:00

Thanks to Carina Press Executive Editor Angela James, I now have twenty specific reasons to be paranoid about my writing.

No, wait. That came out wrong.

Thanks to Angela, I now have a fantastic checklist of things to look out for when writing/before submission. Because my paranoia cannot be fed without reminders, I saved all of her tweets in a word doc and now I'm posting them here. Mostly so I can look over them and pull my hair out after submitting my work in progress to a publisher. Thanks Angela.

Going to tell you some things I'm seeing a lot of while reading editor reports. 1st: too much info dump/exposition/unnecessary description

Next common issue: lack of driving conflict. The conflict cld really be easily resolved, is not developed enough or is unbelievable

3rd thing I'm seeing: poor use of POV. POV switches too frequently, is not used consistently, creates distance instead of engagement

4th: the plot or characters are too quirky or too dramatic, making the editor feel its overdone, unbelievable or trying too hard

5th issue mentioned: too much shift btween present story & past, causing reading confusion & distance from story, as well as pace problems

6th: The story/plot/characters/narrative (all of the above) move aimlessly or wander rather than having clear goal, motive, conflict

7th: awesome opening chapter(s). The rest...not so much. (I call this contest syndrome)

8th: Think I've said this one (though differently) but it bears repeating even so: the voice was distancing

9th: this one may be depressing. There's nothing WRONG with the story. It's just meh. It lacks good energy, a hook, is not different enough

10th: opposite of "contest syndrome". It starts in the wrong place. With info dump. An unnecessary prologue. Too much backstory/exposition

11th: author say it's genre X but...it's really not (ie: author either don't know his/her manuscript or the targeted genre)

12th: lack of basic editing (several eds noted pages & pages of almost no punctuation). We don't need it to be perfect but we want an effort

Unlucky 13th: something we don't always admit (and will never say to you in a letter) but sometimes? It's just bad.

14th: The characters are unlikeable. In a way that prevents us from engaging with them. They can be villains, but we still need a connection

15th: the story/conflict/setup seem too cliche or depend on coincidence in a way that stretches willing suspension of disbelief.

16th: the characters had no chemistry. Even if it's not a romance, you want some dynamic interaction!

17th: There are a whole bunch of events and things happening and conversations occurring. And none of them move the plot forward.

18th: your characters' actions are inconsistent. Frm their established character, frm what you've *told* us abt them, from rational thought

19th: voice is inconsistent. You don't carry the tone throughout book, change frm lighthearted to dramatic, or seems like writing changed

Last but not least: We wanted to love it. Oh how we wanted to. We tried. We loved concept. But we just didn't love the bk (sound familiar?)

__________

Additional from Angela: Now that I've shared some things the editors saw in submissions as I go through reports, I have a secret to tell you. Are you ready? It is often not the most well-written, cleanly crafted books that sell the best. Sometimes it's not even the books the editors love the most. That's why we so often say "what are we looking for?" A great story. Because that's what sells.

__________

There is also a similar helpful list on the Carina Press blog.

masculinity in romance

2010-09-28T16:11:00.005-04:00

Crud. I've reached a sort of crossroads in my story. I've gotten to the point where my main character fully realizes the depth of his feelings for his love interest. The problem? I'm so worried about how he comes across, I can barely write the scene. I've got most of it down, but the issue is this: is it possible for any admission of feelings or declaration to come across as "too feminine" in a romance novel?

Okay, sure, social constructs are what tell most of us what is supposed to be acceptable gender specific behavior. And in a gay erotic romance, social contructs of masculine and feminine should take a flying leap when it comes to having the character do and say honest things in the context of the story. Still, I can't help wondering if I'll turn my masculine main character into a fangless girl with a boy name just to get the point across that he's in love and wants it reciprocated.

I'm not sure how common this issue is. I've come across numerous articles and postings (here and here, among others) discussing how female writers tend to write at least one character in a m/m story as being more overtly feminine. I'm trying (perhaps too hard) to avoid being lumped into that category. Really, some are going to think that anyway. I would just like the assurance that the majority of readers don't feel like my main character has undergone a personality transplant the minute he has strong emotional feelings for someone else.

I would love to ask the opinion of my reliable sounding board person, but I feel like I need to write this without her reaction coloring how I write the rest of the book. Not that her opinion is a bad thing, she's been fantastic and all kinds of helpful, actually. I'm hoping I can figure out a solution to this without asking another person's input. At least, not a female person. I need to make one of my male friends read the chapter and tell me if it all goes over-the-top at some point. Then maybe I'll add in some cursing for good measure. ;-)

Genre Shame

2010-09-23T17:24:00.006-04:00

I want to blame Nicholas Sparks for this.

On an intellectual level, I know it's not his fault. The implication that romance novels are not "real" writing and that "serious" writers write about a full breadth of subjects is not a new one. I doubt the shame that is publicly associated with loving and writing romance was quite so much in the general consciousness before his "I write love stories" spiel earlier this year.

It bothers me. No, that's inadequate. I think it's fucked up. Vulgarity seems the proper response to what I feel is the outright shaming of the genre by popular authors thought to be a part of it. In a recent interview, writer Danielle Steele says she does not write romance, she "think[s] of romance novels as more of a category, and I write about the situations we all deal with. Loss and war and illness and jobs and careers, and good things, bad things, crimes, whatever. And I really write more about the human condition."

And none of those things can exist in romance novels?

Forgive me for feeling stupid after watching her interview, but aren't all those things a part of many romance novels? The good, the bad, the true life tragedies - I don't think they're exclusive to mainstream fiction. To be blunt, if romance novels consisted of nothing but character A and character B find each other and live happily ever after, there'd be a whole hell of a lot of short stories with no context floating around. The genre itself wouldn't be worth reading if there weren't elements of real life (or life in context for the characters) exerting influence on the events of the story.

Or maybe it's the term romance some people balk at. The word connotes images of flowers and candy, wooing a reluctant love interest or taming a previously wild heart with some over-the-top gesture. Excuse me while I roll my eyes. While there are books that seem simplistic on the surface, I refuse to believe romances are in any way inferior to other books because they happen to focus on personal relationships. I don't let other people's ideas (especially those who do not read romance) force me to feel shame about what I read and write. I refuse to play into the idea that romance is the unwanted stepchild of literature that readers only pick up when looking for some drivel to pass the time on a long flight or other such nonsense.

Loving romance novels is not something anyone should be ashamed of. Ever. What I do find shameful is authors who have become famous because readers of this genre love them and the stories they've let be promoted as romance. If it's good enough to get your foot in the door, sell to the masses or make movies from, you as an author should own up to what you write, even if uninformed opinion puts you out of favor. After all, where would you be if romance readers didn't like reading about the way you write the human condition?

into the home stretch

2010-09-22T12:15:00.004-04:00

I broke out the calculating machine last night and punched in some number thingies. Holy crap, I'm about 65 percent of the way through this book. Real life got in the way for the first half or so, but I'm excited because I have the last fourish chapters planned out pretty well. It should be easy going from here. *waits for anvil drop* I hope it'll be finished (as in, written and edited and sent off to the publisher) in the next month. Yay.

In the meantime, a little quotage to whet the appetite.

as seen in the twitterverse:

Running a hand through his hair, Carlos said, “You're going to be the death of me.” “You'll die smiling,” Michael retorted.

and today's quote:

Tread carefully was going to become his daily mantra—right up there with 'one day at a time' and 'don't beg.'

I think it needs to be said, I'm kind of in love with this book so far. I love the characters and (more importantly) my lone reader likes the story/characters as well. I'm also debating another story starring one of the main character's friends. Probably not going to happen, but it's nice to think about.

rough

2010-09-16T02:11:00.003-04:00

Oh, wait. With all that's been going on in the past few weeks, I haven't been doing my work in progress tweet thing. Oops. Did I mention my main characters finally did the deed? It was almost as good for me as it was for them. Of course, then I was faced with a dilemma. Would my MC's love interest be shy the morning after or decide he couldn't get enough?

Michael smiled. “If you think making it rough was a deterrent, you have a lot to learn about me.”

Let's just say I'm leaning away from shy.

Queer Power March

2010-09-03T12:20:00.003-04:00

I can't say enough about this and frankly, it's easier to point everyone to the website. If you're interested in learning about the march, would like to lend your support (even in spirit) or would like make a donation, please click the picture and visit the Queer Power March website.

Judgement Jumping or Why First Impressions Can Kill

2010-08-17T12:12:00.000-04:00

Recently (as in, about two minutes ago), I came across another writer's blog. My first impressions were that it is amateurish, somewhat disorganized and she doesn't believe in things like proper punctuation and capitalization. She is published. From what I gather, her stories may be online only, but I didn't explore the blog long enough to find out. My issue is this: if someone's blog or website comes across as (more or less) a mess at first glance, what is supposed to entice me to stay or to read their books?

I jump to conclusions about these kinds of things pretty quickly. Most of us use a blog template (or can find one if we use an independent server), so putting together something that represents us as writers is not that difficult. So, I'm naturally put off when it seems someone doesn't put all that much effort into something simple. Yeah, it's great when they have all of their book covers and links on the side of the blog, but if there are long passages without paragraphs or simple words misspelled frequently, I wonder how much better that person's writing is. Getting one thing right doesn't erase what's wrong.

I don't know. I hope I don't give people bad impressions about me as a writer based on the types of links I have or the lack of fancy blog toys and large graphics. I may not spend a ton of time adding features to my blog (nor will I when I develop my website), but I think simple is good. Simple can be maintained. I don't do a lot of clutter because I like having just what's needed to get the point across. I want my blog's first impression to be that writing is my passion, but doesn't define everything I find interesting. I want people to feel they know my opinion on any given subject and don't feel too intimidated to comment. And I want to know that no one's first impression of me through my blog will turn them off my writing altogether. I suppose that remains to be seen.

Review - Magic University Book One: The Siren and the Sword

2010-08-14T14:31:00.001-04:00

I am dreadfully late in reviewing this story for two reasons. The first, I bought it and the sequel together and I rushed to read both of them in about 31ish hours. The second, I wasn't sure I could put what I thought about it into words. I'm going to try now.

I think it has to be said, there are characters in this book that remind me of specific Harry Potter characters. As the story (and series) progresses, that similarity lessens as I get to know these characters in their own right. That development can be said about no one more than Timothy Frost. I find him to be the most complex and fascinating character - he varies from ascerbic to intriguing and mysterious in the first book and further in the following two. I guess that's strange given that he is not the main character, but the most well-written secondary characters sometimes take on a life of their own.

I'm drawn to all of the major players in different ways: Master Brandish and Dean Bell, about whom a colorful and slowly revealed mystery is woven, Alex Kimble, whose relationship with Kyle takes on so many dimensions, it would be both apropos and an understatement to merely refer to it as a "friendship" and main character Kyle Wadworth himself, who embodies the sometimes sweet hero complex and innocence I liked in Harry Potter while employing a maturity the boy wizard had to grow into.

There are quite a number of other rich characters in this series (in fact, I would be hard-pressed to find one that didn't interest me in some way), but what I find most refreshing about this book and its characters is that we as readers are immediately aware of a correlation between a popular series of children's books, but it never feels as if this is merely an adult Harry Potter with sex. The story is told in a way I felt was unique - and, frankly, hard to part from when doing little necessary things like going to work and sleep - there are fantastic moments of humor, romance and drama and most of all, the main character is easily relatable. Another great comparison to the Harry Potter series: upon rereading, I find little details that make the story that much richer, things I may have glossed over as less than important during the first read. In other words, a book that only gets better with repeat reads.

I would love to describe the plot and how I became immersed in it in detail. In fact, I reworded the beginning of this review several times trying to figure out how to summarize it without giving too much away. On my second read, I decided talking in circles around the plot would be more a disservice than a selling point. Finding out what's going as it unfolds is one of the best reasons to get into this series. The best way I can describe it is this: Upon visiting Harvard for an interview, Kyle stumbles upon Veritas, the school for magic users hidden on Harvard's campus. While struggling with his newfound ability, Kyle learns of the existence of a siren and makes it his mission to help capture and control the creature before it can hurt any more students.

This story is about more than any one of Kyle's accomplishments. There's a bigger picture here, more tightly drawn and suspenseful than one book could contain. At the risk of saying what I fear is too little, I hope anyone who enjoys a great ongoing mystery imbued with fantasy, erotica, love and drama opts to read this and the rest of the books in the Magic University series.

Conundrum

2010-08-14T11:24:00.003-04:00

I finally got around to reviewing the fabulous Magic University: the Siren and the Sword. Only issue? The site where people can buy the book is having serious linkage issues.

Does it make sense to post the review here when 1. no one can buy it and 2. I can't cross-post my review at the site?

I could post it at amazon, but it won't be available on paperback until the fall. Hm. I feel like I've been stalking the site this week trying to get the link to work using the powers of my mind. Yeah. Since that hasn't been working, I switched to just working on my story. I've made decent headway into chapter five.

Back to the original question: post or no? Would it make a difference to readers if they could buy a book immediately or if they'd have to wait on the glitches to disappear?

As the World Turns: The LuRe vs. Nuke Perspective

2010-08-03T12:12:00.006-04:00

I don't usually talk about soap operas - on any of my blogs. I think I've reached a turning point with this one. I kind of have to talk about it, especially since it'll be gone soon. I've been watching As the World Turns for six years now, so I've had the opportunity to watch Van Hansis grow his character Luke from a confused, sometimes troubled boy to a kind, emotionally mature man. I love what the writers have done for his character. For Luke's relationships? Not so much.

Yeah, okay. I know soaps are supposed to be dramatic, but Luke's relationship with Noah had issues from the beginning. First, Noah was in denial about being gay - he was self-hating to the point of sleeping with one of Luke's friends (Maddie) to "prove" to himself and Luke (and his father) that he was straight. Then Colonel Mayer attacked Luke and Noah ran at the first sign of conflict (grand summarizing here - there was a great deal of back and forth from breaking up to friendship to an in-between state). Eventually, they got it together.

Then (by virtue of some angry people threatening to boycott the show's sponsors), any affection they had - kissing, etc. - always seemed to be quickly followed by fighting over inconsequential things and what felt like the show's insistence that, no matter what, it would always be an uphill battle for them. There are ways (as shown by Luke's relationship with Reid later) to show two people as a loving couple without having to sacrifice screen time or doing silly things like diverting the camera when they kiss or putting off moments that are quick to come in heterosexual relationships - like sleeping together.

I understand that a lot of issues covered by the show are those that real men and boys go through, I just wish Noah had come out more mature and together for everything he and Luke both had to go through.

I know some people might say that going through all those trials would make the relationship work in the end, but I feel differently. At some point, after all of the stuff with Noah's father and Luke doing things that weren't entirely morally appropriate, they should've come to some kind of understanding. They should have reached a place where they accepted each other as they were, settled down and just been happy. Rare, but it does happen in soapland. Luke and Noah? Well, Noah has an accident, blames Luke (it was about ten percent his fault), Luke happily shoulders the blame and the rest is history. Why do I say the accident was only ten percent his fault? Because Noah had no business screwing around with fireworks or rushing to finish his student film. If he'd taken the time to have someone who knew what they were doing fix it, he would've been fine. So what if his project would've been finished late? It was a senseless accident.

It was around this point that Noah/Luke began to lose its luster for me. I couldn't root for them anymore. After all the crap they went through, this is what broke them up for the third time? Luke basically turned his life upside down - keeping vigil in the hospital, getting his parents to adopt Noah so they could pay his hospital bills, railroading/blackmailing a doctor to come to town to perform his surgery - just to make up for an accident that was hardly his fault. He was desperately trying to hold on to something that wasn't working anymore, that had never worked for very long anyway. Not everything he did was perfect, but for the longest time Noah's reaction to everything Luke did on his behalf was to be resentful and pouty. No one needs to have their loved shoved back in there face that way. Luke served his heart up on a platter and got nothing but further disappointment and eventually a broken heart for his trouble.

This is where I drew the line. During the past year, Luke did something Noah probably won't have time to do before the show is over. He grew up. Through all of the craziness with how he met Reid and the things he did to show Noah how much he cared, he became a man who would sacrifice anything for his lover, even if he had been shown through past experience that his efforts might come to nothing. I'm sure my views may seem extreme to some, but I'm trying to look at the overall picture. Luke always seemed more invested in their relationship, but the payoff wasn't worth all of his effort.
The reason I like the idea of Luke/Reid is that this is an adult relationship. Yes, they began under strange circumstances. In retrospect, I think Reid pushing Luke away (refusing to treat Noah if he was around) was a telling act. He lost focus, and sometimes his temper, when Luke was around because no one had been able to get under his skin that way. It's refreshing to see a man who is bold and honest with Luke about how he feels and what he wants. He doesn't apologize for wanting him, shy away from flirting or play games. This is exactly what Luke needs after the drama of the last few years. Someone who can love him without condition and doesn't judge his every action through a narrow set of values.

In addition to this, the two actors have a level of chemistry that steams up the screen no matter what is happening in the scene. While I felt next to nothing the few times that Luke and Noah got close, all he and Reid have to do is look at each other across a room and it feels like no one exists but them - it's a world I love to visit. They make hand holding look like an erotic act. Well, as erotic as possible given the general conservative nature of the show.

After I finally, finally got used to the idea that Luke could find some happiness, the writers threw cold water all over those smoldering coals. I'm not sure if it was reactionary or just desperation on his part, but the minute Noah got the impression Luke might be moving on, might even (gasp!) have someone else in his life, he freaked out. Never mind that he went on a date less than a week after their last official breakup, Noah's reaction to Luke even spending time with someone else was to suddenly declare that he'd never stopped loving him, was sorry for being a pouty jerk for months and wanted to get back together. What in the emotionally manipulative codependent hell?!

I'm so glad Luke didn't fall for that. Though the past few months (and spoilery rumors) have given me questions, I think Luke and Reid are finally getting on the same page. (They might even maybe possibly talk about having sex today. Imagine that. In less than two years.) Mutual respect, attraction and affection doesn't have to be hidden, doesn't inspire shame and doesn't feel like the slightest change in the wind will bring it all tumbling down. I have high hopes for these two. I just hope the show doesn't disappoint.

warming up

2010-07-26T14:43:00.001-04:00

I'm finally getting the scene with their first kiss right. At least, I hope I've finally gotten it right. Here is a (slightly longer) version of the quote I just posted on Twitter.

There was no mistaking how he felt. And when Michael stopped laughing and looked down into his eyes, there was no way he could confuse how his roommate felt about it.

Possibilities

2010-07-21T12:18:00.003-04:00

My checklist needs to be reexamined. Meaning, I need to get back to doing stuff on it. So far, I've been too lazy (and sometimes busy) to update my cafepress store and start a different one. But I have been giving some thought to finally designing a website. I'm going to wait until I have a little more spare change before I buy a domain, but I think I should get started designing something simple. I just don't know what all I want to put on it.

Of course, there will be a story section. Since I just have the one self-pubbed fic, it seems a little silly to make a big deal of this section. Of course, it'll grow in time. I'm trying to decide if I want to list free short stories there until I have more published or if free stories should have their own page. I want to post drabbles weekly, as well.

I'm also debating whether I should do a video blog. But that would require me to record myself on video. And not be too lazy to post it. And willingly record myself on video. Oh, the horror. Yeah, I came up with this idea after my caffeine kicked in, so I can't blame the crazy on being half-asleep. I guess it's because I've seen a few authors do it and I think it's cute. I suppose I could just integrate this blog into whatever I design for the site and add video every once in a while if I want to. I just wonder if it'll benefit me if readers can see and hear me. I've been told I'm entertaining. ;-)

Geez, I think that's about it for the sections. LOL Biography? For my pseudonym, that could get interesting. Links, yes. Then...[fill in blank here].

All right, I need content ideas (besides RIGHT MOAR FIC!!). Anyone?

there is finally sexytimes!

2010-07-20T11:26:00.002-04:00

For those of you keeping score, that means if you buy this book, you have to be patient until Chapter 3 before things get interesting. By that I mean I'm a fan of the slow-building romance. But, oh! I have another quote I've already set loose in the twitterverse:

“I knew they grew 'em tall in Iowa, but I had no idea they grew 'em so...big.”

A low laugh was his response.

I can't wait until people can read more.

My genius was totally recognized!

2010-07-13T01:00:00.002-04:00

I write like Stephen King.

What? Internet quiz/survey/randomizer thingies are so accurate. Well, if the results are like this for me, they are.

dirty dirty

2010-07-13T00:54:00.002-04:00

Characters are doing hot, dirty things to one another. No, the story hasn't advanced that far. The muse and I like to write things out of sequence. Still, fun stuff. I also wrote far too much conversation about nipples today. Yeah. Here is my work in progress tweet from today:

“Stop it. I told you not to put your hand there.” A pause. “No, really. I'm not ready for—” Panting. “Go slower,” Michael whispered.

Kobo still hates me

2010-07-10T01:22:00.002-04:00

*sigh*

A few days after my last whiny kobo post, I heard about a fix for not being able to read my books (the ones I've bought/downloaded and then uploaded to Kobo through Calibre software because the Borders desktop app is stupidface). Basically, remove the 100 books that come with the Kobo. I figured since they're doing a massive software update (I signed up for early access), it would be all right to put the original 100 back on. After all, I do want to read Mansfield Park and a few of the others one day.

Yeah, not so much.

The update was a "success." If by that one means I can now use a sleep mode I don't care about, still can't sync it with my computer, still can't read my other books, but the LED color changes when it's done charging. Yay? Thanks for nothing. (Yes, I am bitter about other things right now and this does not help. No, this entry would not read much differently if I wrote it in the morning.) Now, if I take the 100 books off again, will I have to delete and reload my 174 books again - 10 at a time - and force the Kobo to take them? Why do I have to pick one or the other?!

*sigh* If I have nothing to do at work next week, I think I'll spend a couple of hours on the phone with the customer service people.

fighting the universe

2010-07-09T12:32:00.003-04:00

When it rains, it pours. In my case, that means monsoon season. Case in point: I'm a slow writer unless the mood takes me. I've had serious issues with my refurbished laptop about half the time I've owned it. It's not that it's refurbished; I found out after the fact that these issues are common with this model. Aside from this, I love it. I want another one, provided the new one works.

So, I started a new novel a few weeks ago. Since then my roommate lost his job, forcing me to spend as much time as possible finding a new place to live. I had to spend pretty much all of my savings paying one week of rent at my last place, moving into a more expensive place, paying the movers and various other expenses. I've been stressed out so much that finishing that first chapter was a miracle, and weeks after I should have done so. Then, this week, my laptop decided to die on me. Just flat out lost power while I was in the middle of something. It's been doing that for months, it's one of the reasons I don't move it from where it sits on my makeshift desk. The thingie loses contact with the power cord and it just dies. (Yes, thingie is a technical term - I think it's the motherboard.) Now it just dies at the drop of a hat whether I disturb the power cord or not. That scares the crap out of me. I could be writing something and not even have a chance to save it. And I can't afford to fix anything on it because, after moving, I have a sad amount of money left.

This does not bode well for my focus. Or maybe it does. Maybe I'll get more writing done so I can sell a book faster and replace this machine before it drives me nuts. But I'm afraid to write on it just in case that's the moment it decides to die permanently. This is an issue. I wonder if I can writer 45,000 words longhand. Hmph. If JKR could do 10 times that, I can, right?

fantasy

2010-07-04T09:52:00.001-04:00

Oh happy day! Finally finished chapter one! I love when I get past that hurdle. And I posted another (brief) excerpt on Twitter. This one gives a little more info on what the crux of the story will be.

That was the real fantasy. That Carlos, however charming and attractive, could make this straight man beg for him.

Tells a lot in a few words. Hopefully, finishing the first chapter is the beginning of a good writing streak. I have high hopes for this one.

Balanced Perspective

2010-07-03T21:00:00.003-04:00

I was talking to the voices in my head (my muse and her minions) about my particular writing/reading hangups just now. Turns out, what bothered me when I was younger still bothers me today, regardless of genre. I can't stand stories that don't have substance - whether it be flat characters, a non-existant plot (if it's plot driven) or an emphasis on everything but moving the story forward. While my irritation today is with erotic novels, this annoyed reaction applies to all types of books. Don't get me wrong, I know there are stories to be read for just a few hours entertainment. Not everything is literary fiction and I'm glad for that. But a story that falls flat on the page does nothing for me.

My grievance with erotic novels: Over the years, I have found that the majority of stories which put emphasis on more graphic, longer and frequent sex scenes have less focus on developed characters and a compelling story. I can name two novels off the top of my head where I actually grew bored because the sex scene was five pages or more; the story itself was lost between all the grunting and squirting. I couldn't review either book here because all the positive I thought about the story was overshadowed by my annoyance over those overbearing sex scenes. What irks me most about these two stories in particular was that both writers are popular and have written over twenty books a piece - presumably in the same style. Obviously, their fans don't have the same hangups I do.

I think it started when I was younger. I was on a rather high reading level for my age and I began reading romance novels when I was around six. I think the vast majority being published were pretty tame - at least, the ones that weren't sold in adult stores. I didn't have access to more graphic ones if they were in my library. My mother checked most of the books I got from the library - the ones with the scantily-clad women on the cover stayed in the library - but I managed to find a few that had more than hand holding. What can I say? I was a curious child. As I grew older, the stories I looked for and what I found inside them grew more bold. Still, there was always an emphasis on the romance. I got bored easily if that wasn't written well. Even when I discovered erotic novels that were not destined to end in happily ever after, I always had a love of books that had a great story to tell, even if a reader were to skip the sex and read everything else. And yes, there were moments that I skipped the sex because I was dying to find out what happened next.

Now I wonder when/if it became popular to sacrifice story for hot sex. I know it sounds prudish, but I constantly feel like if the story isn't "hot" enough, people won't buy it. But why? If the story is good, is there a need for six page sex scenes over one or two pages? I hope not. I really want my erotic work to stand out, to editors and readers, if only because there are some things I don't want to sacrifice in order to pull in an audience. A story that leaves me wanting more, even when the characters have their clothes on, is definitely at the top of that list.

writing tragedies abound!

2010-07-03T19:37:00.002-04:00

Over at AuthorCulture, the most recent post is about bad opening lines. The kind of stuff that makes one cringe when read aloud - or is fun to read when hanging out with friends who enjoy that kind of absurdity. My favorite from the list:

Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word "fear," a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies.

It sounds like something I've written. Hm. Gotta watch for that kind of stuff. I'm not sure what my worst first line is (I have too many stories to look through to compare them all), but I'm not in love with this one:

“Bootylicious,” Tami whispered, smiling.

Yes, I wrote that in 2001 and NO, I will never publish that unfinished short the way it is. I can't even get into explaining what that story was about or why my main character was referencing a song I was sick of by the time I wrote the story. There is no explanation for some kinds of tragedy.

PrettySexyShinyToy aka ohaidere Kobo!

2010-06-29T22:23:00.005-04:00

Mm. New Kobo arrived yesterday. Less than 24 hours later, I have several impressions of the device and the overall buying experience.

Borders customer service leaves something to be desired. I had initially cancelled my order (I'm in the process of moving and prefer to pay the movers than spend $160 dollars) and gotten a confirmation email. Two days later, I got an email saying they'd shipped it. *sigh* Oh well. Nothing I can do. It did arrive earlier than it was supposed to (July 2nd). My first thought was that the packaging was adorable. From the outside, it looks like a hardcover book. Inside, the first thing that greets you is the screen informing you of the easy set-up. Shortly after this is where everything takes a detour.

Yes, charging is easy. (It arrives already charged.) Programming the date and time into it is mega easy. Everything else seems to be a pain in the ass. I don't know if it's because I don't usually buy all the fun tech stuff everyone else has been getting the past few years, but I swear this seems harder than it's supposed to be. And there are no instructions.

For example, when I tried to figure out how to move all the books from my computer onto the ereader, I looked at both the user manual and help guide on the device. The instructions I got were to drag and drop files onto it. No instructions on where (like a folder) or if there's a button I need to push or something I need to run from the borders app. Basically, nothing that tells me how to get it to show up on the device. The website and forum were likewise unhelpful. My particular issue: I dragged and dropped 77 ebooks - 2 showed up when I unplugged it from my laptop, 1 of the 2 was locked (thank you, Adobe Digital Editions), and the other wouldn't even open to tell me the file was protected. *sigh*

Over the next four and a half hours, I synched my kobo with Adobe DE, deleted and re-added all of my ebooks (it still only shows those first two, but the amount of available disk space did go down both times), got turned around in that repetitive and uninformative user guide (which is a separate section from the help file - neither says a great deal more than the website) and was informed at the Kobo forum that there'd be a firmware update sometime soonish (I think it was promised before I even got mine) that would fix the major issues.

Like not being able to delete the 100 books that are preloaded. I assume I will also be able to do things the user guide says I can do now, like removing books from my "currently reading" list using the borders desktop app or read the books I have on my computer (legal downloads, most of them) on my kobo without having to sync it and update the library every ten minutes (not that it ever worked).

Pros:

I love the design. The size, color, button accessibility, font size and overall look are perfect for me. I may have to get a cover. I'm scared I'll do something wicked to the screen (which pictures do not do justice).

It is fantastically easy to organize and sort books that are on it. Especially since it'll let me pick up where I left off and browse through chapters easily. I may end up reliving my high school days, reading three to six books at a time.

Cons:

All of the options that should be available aren't working just right yet: being able to upload (and read) epub and pdf files I already have, being able to sync the kobo with the borders app and have the library on the device reflect what is on it accurately and a help section that...helps.

But hey, there's a hidden game. Thanks to ralphmercer for pointing out the video poker to me this morning. To find: Press Menu, Select Help, Press Menu again, Select Help again. At least this will keep me occupied until I get back to my to be read list.

My recommendation? Get it when they fix the issues. Great for the money, still a little buggy fresh off the shelf.

Insecurity

2010-06-29T13:28:00.004-04:00

Looking back has good and bad affects. As a writer, it's always nice to see how I've developed and refined my personal style over the years - improvements never seem as drastic when looking at stories I wrote months, rather than years, before. Still, it scares me how much I've changed as a writer just in the last five or six years. Back then (towards the end of 2005 going into 2007), I thought I had reached the peak of my brilliance. I was inspired, wrote at warp speed and hot and sexy and romantic and beautiful and just one big break away from making me famous.

Right. Reading old stories brings me back down to reality. I had no clue. Well, not entirely true. I had something of a clue. I just didn't have my act together nearly as much as I thought I did. Now I'm wondering if I've done myself a disservice by posting stories I wrote a long time ago and leaving them online. I've done so much better since then, but I'm not willing to post a short story in my online store that I could send to a traditional publisher instead. Now I'm left to wonder if my knowledge, and mine alone, that my writing is a lot better than what I've shown is enough to make me feel more secure as I move forward and attempt to sell my work on a bigger scale.

Personal Service

2010-06-25T03:57:00.002-04:00

Added a little more to the story this morning (again, too long for twitter). If there are any readers (esp. gay men) out there who want to share their perspective, feel free.

Carlos's breathing deepened. Became panting. Turned into moaning as David did something sweet with his fingers at that tight spot just behind his balls.

Substitute

2010-06-21T11:18:00.003-04:00

I'm trying this new thing on the twittermachine where I post a little something from my work in progress. Hopefully, this will not only get people interested in what I'm writing, I can motivate myself to write something worth quoting every day. Here is the quote from last night (longer than the character limit twitter allows):

Licking his lips, Carlos opened his eyes. Michael was gone. David was looking up at him, a satisfied smirk on his wet lips. No, he wasn't the same, not even close. And close enough for the moment was never going to be enough.

Well, I'll be!

2010-06-19T00:10:00.003-04:00

Color me a hundred kinds of flattered! (Yes I am a Southerner, why do you ask?) Yesterday, I found the sweetest comments someone said about one of my blog entries (Hi Karen!). It made me aware of two things: I used to interact with other bloggers and I need to do that more and I used to write interesting blog entries (mostly when I was frustrated with this writing/publication process :-p). Motivation to write more often and more interesting? Maybe. At least it'll give me something to do while I'm waiting on the muse to get back on speaking terms with me.

Unfortunately, the group she references on facebook no longer exists because some enthusiastic erotica fan uploaded pictures of which facebook did not approve. At least the site acknowledged that I did not personally upload them, so they didn't delete my account. But I did get a warning after they deleted the group. Still have no idea who flagged the group.

Delicious Dilemma

2010-06-18T23:45:00.002-04:00

I have an issue. Not a problem, per se. If it is, it's the best kind of problem to have. Remember that query letter I was so nervous about sending out a few weeks ago and the response I finally got back? Details: I submitted a m/m erotic short story to a website and heard back about five weeks later. The lovely lady I heard from said they'd publish the story as is, but she'd prefer if I wrote the same characters in a 50,000 word novel. Fantastic, right? I thought so. Still do. Not so sure about my muse.

I write fanfiction for two reasons. One, because I enjoy playing with someone else's characters. And two, it gives me a way to build my skills (and keep the muse active) in between writing stuff of my own. After I sent off the query letter, my muse sort of shut down on me. I couldn't write so much as a bad fanfic poem after a couple of days. After nearly five weeks of nothing, I managed to finish a story that was two-thirds written anyway. Then, the next day, I heard back about my query. I thought I was only stalled that way because I was so nervous about putting myself out there finally. Now, I'm not sure.

It's been over a week and I've barely written more than 400 words. I know the characters, the backstory (which is becoming the novel), the tone I want to adopt - everything.

Can't. Get. Anything. Out.

I don't know what's wrong! I even want to blame the World Cup. So, that means I won't be writing anything of substance until the second week of July? I can't possibly have a career if I have more excuses than stories. At least, not one that anyone could follow.

This is what I'm really afraid of - that a publisher will contract me to write something (like a sequel or series), I'll get an advance and I won't be able to produce. Or, worse, I'll just churn out anything because I have a deadline and I don't want to seem like I can't work with a publisher. My timetable is sometimes inconvenient to other people. I know I write slow sometimes. I can deal with that. Not having words at all? I don't know what I'll do with myself if this continues. *sigh* I need to read something to get me in the mood. Good books always inspire me. I just hope it'll work this time. I need this chance to work out. Who knows when I'll get another one?

More me, all the time

2010-06-11T13:52:00.002-04:00

I have joined the Twitterverse. I can't promise I'll be fascinating, but so far I've been keeping the page open watching it go by like it's a show. LOL Entertaining, at the very least. Join me?